Friday, March 4, 2011
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Thursday, June 3, 2010
Saturday, May 22, 2010
The World Of Weddings, Then And Now
These days’ weddings seem to have decreased in numbers, or have become less significant in many people’s lives, especially amongst women. More women are becoming career minded, taking on board the world of work rather than settling down to raise a family. This is almost true for men as women have more rights and freedom over their lives that it has become less common (particularly in the Western countries) for women to give up all they own to the men – a practise specific to the Victorian ages. Perceptions of weddings have changed and are no longer seen as a mandatory part of life.
Wedding ceremonies, however much they have decreased, are far more joyous than what they were in the past, with wedding gifts becoming more expensive and the planning and preparation being evermore stressful. Some follow the tradition of having the wedding paid for by the parents, these days marriages are divided between the two couple. Arranged marriages, though slowly decreasing in Western countries, based on religious convictions have themselves become subject of much careful thought and planning (having grown in size).
History
Up until the Middle Ages, weddings were considered a family or political affair, rather than a union between two people in love. They were also seen as a way to survive from predators and other outside members of the tribes – people believed there was safety in numbers. It was also common for grooms to kidnap their bride, if the families were against the matrimony, in this instance the groomsman would act as a small army to fight off the mob. Wedding parties were also small and not a very joyous occasion. However, wedding gifts have been a tradition for many years and is something that is still prevalent in ceremonies today.
Wedding gifts were given to symbolise the unity of the married couple and to help set up their new household for the newlyweds. During the Elizabethan ages, the family gave guests gifts, this was a practise derived from France known as wedding favours. Traditionally the wedding favours known in France as bonbonniere, contained sugared sweets (usually almonds) at a time when sugar was expensive. These were intricately wrapped in a small crystal, gold or porcelain box encrusted with precious gems, and were commonly presented by rich or wealthy families, as a way of thanking their guests for sharing the matrimonial union.
Wedding parties became more joyous during the Victorian ages, when weddings were beginning to change. Arranged marriages were beginning to decrease in numbers (in the UK especially) and more people were beginning to plan their weddings in advance. Wedding invitations were once announced via a town crier; the more literate and educated few in the 15th century were able to write their own invitations or arrange for monks to produce intricately designed invitations using calligraphy. The invitations often carried a coat of arms or family crest, sometimes-sealed using wax.
These days’ weddings have become more than just a family arrangement and political traditions, it is more common for the bride and grooms to come together and plan their weddings. Many Western weddings involve music, dancing and a very traditional pub drinking towards the end of the night. The traditions of kidnapping your wife are echoed in the form of stag do’s and hen parties, turning these historical events into fun party games
Wedding ceremonies, however much they have decreased, are far more joyous than what they were in the past, with wedding gifts becoming more expensive and the planning and preparation being evermore stressful. Some follow the tradition of having the wedding paid for by the parents, these days marriages are divided between the two couple. Arranged marriages, though slowly decreasing in Western countries, based on religious convictions have themselves become subject of much careful thought and planning (having grown in size).
History
Up until the Middle Ages, weddings were considered a family or political affair, rather than a union between two people in love. They were also seen as a way to survive from predators and other outside members of the tribes – people believed there was safety in numbers. It was also common for grooms to kidnap their bride, if the families were against the matrimony, in this instance the groomsman would act as a small army to fight off the mob. Wedding parties were also small and not a very joyous occasion. However, wedding gifts have been a tradition for many years and is something that is still prevalent in ceremonies today.
Wedding gifts were given to symbolise the unity of the married couple and to help set up their new household for the newlyweds. During the Elizabethan ages, the family gave guests gifts, this was a practise derived from France known as wedding favours. Traditionally the wedding favours known in France as bonbonniere, contained sugared sweets (usually almonds) at a time when sugar was expensive. These were intricately wrapped in a small crystal, gold or porcelain box encrusted with precious gems, and were commonly presented by rich or wealthy families, as a way of thanking their guests for sharing the matrimonial union.
Wedding parties became more joyous during the Victorian ages, when weddings were beginning to change. Arranged marriages were beginning to decrease in numbers (in the UK especially) and more people were beginning to plan their weddings in advance. Wedding invitations were once announced via a town crier; the more literate and educated few in the 15th century were able to write their own invitations or arrange for monks to produce intricately designed invitations using calligraphy. The invitations often carried a coat of arms or family crest, sometimes-sealed using wax.
These days’ weddings have become more than just a family arrangement and political traditions, it is more common for the bride and grooms to come together and plan their weddings. Many Western weddings involve music, dancing and a very traditional pub drinking towards the end of the night. The traditions of kidnapping your wife are echoed in the form of stag do’s and hen parties, turning these historical events into fun party games
The World Of Weddings, Then And Now
These days’ weddings seem to have decreased in numbers, or have become less significant in many people’s lives, especially amongst women. More women are becoming career minded, taking on board the world of work rather than settling down to raise a family. This is almost true for men as women have more rights and freedom over their lives that it has become less common (particularly in the Western countries) for women to give up all they own to the men – a practise specific to the Victorian ages. Perceptions of weddings have changed and are no longer seen as a mandatory part of life.
Wedding ceremonies, however much they have decreased, are far more joyous than what they were in the past, with wedding gifts becoming more expensive and the planning and preparation being evermore stressful. Some follow the tradition of having the wedding paid for by the parents, these days marriages are divided between the two couple. Arranged marriages, though slowly decreasing in Western countries, based on religious convictions have themselves become subject of much careful thought and planning (having grown in size).
History
Up until the Middle Ages, weddings were considered a family or political affair, rather than a union between two people in love. They were also seen as a way to survive from predators and other outside members of the tribes – people believed there was safety in numbers. It was also common for grooms to kidnap their bride, if the families were against the matrimony, in this instance the groomsman would act as a small army to fight off the mob. Wedding parties were also small and not a very joyous occasion. However, wedding gifts have been a tradition for many years and is something that is still prevalent in ceremonies today.
Wedding gifts were given to symbolise the unity of the married couple and to help set up their new household for the newlyweds. During the Elizabethan ages, the family gave guests gifts, this was a practise derived from France known as wedding favours. Traditionally the wedding favours known in France as bonbonniere, contained sugared sweets (usually almonds) at a time when sugar was expensive. These were intricately wrapped in a small crystal, gold or porcelain box encrusted with precious gems, and were commonly presented by rich or wealthy families, as a way of thanking their guests for sharing the matrimonial union.
Wedding parties became more joyous during the Victorian ages, when weddings were beginning to change. Arranged marriages were beginning to decrease in numbers (in the UK especially) and more people were beginning to plan their weddings in advance. Wedding invitations were once announced via a town crier; the more literate and educated few in the 15th century were able to write their own invitations or arrange for monks to produce intricately designed invitations using calligraphy. The invitations often carried a coat of arms or family crest, sometimes-sealed using wax.
These days’ weddings have become more than just a family arrangement and political traditions, it is more common for the bride and grooms to come together and plan their weddings. Many Western weddings involve music, dancing and a very traditional pub drinking towards the end of the night. The traditions of kidnapping your wife are echoed in the form of stag do’s and hen parties, turning these historical events into fun party games
Wedding ceremonies, however much they have decreased, are far more joyous than what they were in the past, with wedding gifts becoming more expensive and the planning and preparation being evermore stressful. Some follow the tradition of having the wedding paid for by the parents, these days marriages are divided between the two couple. Arranged marriages, though slowly decreasing in Western countries, based on religious convictions have themselves become subject of much careful thought and planning (having grown in size).
History
Up until the Middle Ages, weddings were considered a family or political affair, rather than a union between two people in love. They were also seen as a way to survive from predators and other outside members of the tribes – people believed there was safety in numbers. It was also common for grooms to kidnap their bride, if the families were against the matrimony, in this instance the groomsman would act as a small army to fight off the mob. Wedding parties were also small and not a very joyous occasion. However, wedding gifts have been a tradition for many years and is something that is still prevalent in ceremonies today.
Wedding gifts were given to symbolise the unity of the married couple and to help set up their new household for the newlyweds. During the Elizabethan ages, the family gave guests gifts, this was a practise derived from France known as wedding favours. Traditionally the wedding favours known in France as bonbonniere, contained sugared sweets (usually almonds) at a time when sugar was expensive. These were intricately wrapped in a small crystal, gold or porcelain box encrusted with precious gems, and were commonly presented by rich or wealthy families, as a way of thanking their guests for sharing the matrimonial union.
Wedding parties became more joyous during the Victorian ages, when weddings were beginning to change. Arranged marriages were beginning to decrease in numbers (in the UK especially) and more people were beginning to plan their weddings in advance. Wedding invitations were once announced via a town crier; the more literate and educated few in the 15th century were able to write their own invitations or arrange for monks to produce intricately designed invitations using calligraphy. The invitations often carried a coat of arms or family crest, sometimes-sealed using wax.
These days’ weddings have become more than just a family arrangement and political traditions, it is more common for the bride and grooms to come together and plan their weddings. Many Western weddings involve music, dancing and a very traditional pub drinking towards the end of the night. The traditions of kidnapping your wife are echoed in the form of stag do’s and hen parties, turning these historical events into fun party games
Inter- Caste Marriages In India
Marriages in India, has always been the biggest concern for the Indian families. Lot of importance is given to the sir name carried by the bride or the groom. In fact, the respect and dignity of a person is attached to his sir name, as in who were his ancestors and to which family name he belongs. The caste, creed and culture are the three most important elements, which are kept on the high priority list. The bride and the groom surely have to match each others religions, community, language, culture and region. Without matching each others religious and richness status, the bride and the groom are strictly not allowed to tie marriage knots with each other.
Marriage between two religions or often referred as inter- caste marriage and are almost prohibited in the country. People belonging to different religions or cultures are not allowed to get married, because doing such means violating the religious acts and terms. Marriage is the most sacred bond, which a girl and a boy bonds with each other, for a time period, which is life- long. The bride and the groom are always believed to have same religion or culture because it helps them in having a smooth movement in their journey of marriage, in terms of understanding and supporting each other in the religious acts.
In the early days of the Indian marriages, there were hardly any marriages known as inter- caste marriages, but with the advancements in time, and even government coming up with new laws to support the citizens will and their right to marry with the person they wish. There have been special acts made, supporting the laws of inter- caste marriages and which has somehow proved as an inspiration for the Indian bride and groom to marry according to their choice and with the person they want to. The modern society, today, has witnessed a number of inter- caste marriages, or marriages between bride and groom from different religions. This is because of the changing times and the change in the approach and the thought process, which has enabled the youth of the country, to execute their thoughts and ideas freely.
Inter- caste marriages in India are mostly the result of love marriages, wherein the decision of marriage is purely taken by the bride and the groom, based on the understanding and the comfort they share. Love marriages in India have been seen growing to a larger extent in the last few years, due to the acceptance of this concept in the Indian society and with the Indians, widening their arena of thoughts and implementation of these ideologies. Inter- caste marriage, also referred as love marriage, surely leads to a better married life shared between the bride and the groom after their marriage, because they understand each other well and already have built up that comfort zone, in which, they both together can have a prosperous and a healthy married life.
The only problem stated by the elders at the time of inter- caste marriages, is that, in case of the Indian marriages, it is the bride, who has to go to the grooms house after marriage and has to follow all the rituals and cultures in accordance to the norms set in the grooms family. But, in case of inter- caste marriages, the bride, who comes from different religious background, finds it difficult to settle herself in the new religious environments and mould her beliefs and activities according to a different religion, which if done in some other way, can sometimes, effect her image in the family. Therefore, precautions should be taken by the bride, in case of inter- caste marriages, where she needs to be very careful in practising the religious chores with the family.
Though, most of the families in India, have started accepting their childrens conducting inter- caste marriages, but there still a huge number of people are left in the country who need to understand that there is nothing more important than the happiness of their children and they need to mould their views in accordance to the changing times and accept their childrens choices for the sake of their happy married life.
Few useful links:
http://www.doshiza.com/
Marriage between two religions or often referred as inter- caste marriage and are almost prohibited in the country. People belonging to different religions or cultures are not allowed to get married, because doing such means violating the religious acts and terms. Marriage is the most sacred bond, which a girl and a boy bonds with each other, for a time period, which is life- long. The bride and the groom are always believed to have same religion or culture because it helps them in having a smooth movement in their journey of marriage, in terms of understanding and supporting each other in the religious acts.
In the early days of the Indian marriages, there were hardly any marriages known as inter- caste marriages, but with the advancements in time, and even government coming up with new laws to support the citizens will and their right to marry with the person they wish. There have been special acts made, supporting the laws of inter- caste marriages and which has somehow proved as an inspiration for the Indian bride and groom to marry according to their choice and with the person they want to. The modern society, today, has witnessed a number of inter- caste marriages, or marriages between bride and groom from different religions. This is because of the changing times and the change in the approach and the thought process, which has enabled the youth of the country, to execute their thoughts and ideas freely.
Inter- caste marriages in India are mostly the result of love marriages, wherein the decision of marriage is purely taken by the bride and the groom, based on the understanding and the comfort they share. Love marriages in India have been seen growing to a larger extent in the last few years, due to the acceptance of this concept in the Indian society and with the Indians, widening their arena of thoughts and implementation of these ideologies. Inter- caste marriage, also referred as love marriage, surely leads to a better married life shared between the bride and the groom after their marriage, because they understand each other well and already have built up that comfort zone, in which, they both together can have a prosperous and a healthy married life.
The only problem stated by the elders at the time of inter- caste marriages, is that, in case of the Indian marriages, it is the bride, who has to go to the grooms house after marriage and has to follow all the rituals and cultures in accordance to the norms set in the grooms family. But, in case of inter- caste marriages, the bride, who comes from different religious background, finds it difficult to settle herself in the new religious environments and mould her beliefs and activities according to a different religion, which if done in some other way, can sometimes, effect her image in the family. Therefore, precautions should be taken by the bride, in case of inter- caste marriages, where she needs to be very careful in practising the religious chores with the family.
Though, most of the families in India, have started accepting their childrens conducting inter- caste marriages, but there still a huge number of people are left in the country who need to understand that there is nothing more important than the happiness of their children and they need to mould their views in accordance to the changing times and accept their childrens choices for the sake of their happy married life.
Few useful links:
http://www.doshiza.com/
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Tips For A Happy And Successful Marriage
Tips For A Happy And Successful Marriage
The young and excited bride-and-groom-to-be; ecstatic about the upcoming wedding and marriage and the joy that it will bring. Three to six months later, reality has set in and both spouses realize that marriage is no easy task, but one that takes a great deal of effort and patience. The following are tips for both wives and husbands, to help make the task a little less daunting, and to increase the many rewards that are possible in such a marvelous and complex relationship.
Enter the Marriage with the Right Intention and Renew this Often
Both spouses should enter the marriage with the pure intention of pleasing Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala, in order to receive His grace and blessings. The marriage itself then becomes an act of worship and one for which both spouses will be rewarded.
Allah will be pleased with them and this will be the most critical element in ensuring peace, stability and happiness throughout the marital life. It is also important to realize that when an act of worship is continued over a long period of time, it becomes necessary to renew one's intention often to remain on the correct path and to obtain the most benefit.
Remember that Your Spouse is also Your Brother or Sister in Islam
Too often Muslims treat other people outside the home with kindness and sincerity, but then behave in a very different manner when it comes to their own spouses. Muslims should always remember that one's spouse is also another brother or sister in Islam and that the rights and duties that apply to the general brotherhood (sisterhood) of Islam, should also form the basis of the marital relationship. Obviously, a spouse has rights beyond these, but there should be a clear understanding of the rights of brotherhood (sisterhood) and adherence to these principles.
Do Not Hold Unrealistic Expectations
Before marriage, people often have unrealistic ideas about their spouse-to-be, expecting perfection in all aspects. This rarely, if ever, plays out in reality and can lead to unnecessary problems and concerns. We should recall that Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala, created humans as imperfect beings, which means that many mistakes will be made throughout a lifetime. By turning the table and expecting imperfection, we will be pleasantly surprised and pleased when our spouse is much more than we ever hoped for. This, in turn, will lead to contentment within the marriage.
Emphasize the Best in Your Spouse
Since no one is endowed with all of the best qualities, emphasis should be placed on the positive qualities that a spouse possesses. Encouragement, praise, and gratitude should be expressed on a regular basis, which will strengthen these qualities and be beneficial in developing others. An attempt should be made to overlook or ignore negative characteristics, as the Prophet, sallallahu alayhe wa sallam, said, "A believing man should not have any malice against a believing woman. He may dislike one characteristic in her, but may find another in her which is pleasing." (Muslim)
Be Your Mate's Best Friend
Try to think of what a best friend means and be one to your spouse. This may mean sharing interests, experiences, dreams, failures and upsets. It may involve understanding a spouse's likes and dislikes and attempting to please him or her in any way possible. A best friend is also usually someone that can be confided to trusted, and relied upon. A spouse should be the kind of friend that one would want to keep throughout life.
Spend Quality Time Together
It is not enough to share meals, chores and small talk together. Spouses should also find time to focus on strengthening the relationship. Often couples get busy with their own separate tasks and forget about working on one of the most important elements in life. Quality time may be anything from having a quiet, profound conversation to going for a nice long nature walk, to sharing a special hobby or project. Both spouses should enjoy the particular option chosen and distractions should be kept to a minimum.
Express Feelings Often
This is probably a very "Western" concept and one that some people may have difficulty fulfilling, but it is important to be open and honest about one's feelings, both positive and negative. The lines of communication should always be open and any concerns should be brought to the attention of the other spouse as soon as they arise. The rationale of this is that what begins as a simple concern may grow into a major problem if it is not addressed quickly and properly. The "silent treatment" has never been the remedy for anything.
Admit to Mistakes and ask for Forgiveness
Just as we ask Allah to forgive us when we make mistakes, we should also do the same with our spouses. The stronger person is the one who can admit when he or she is wrong, request pardon from the other, and work hard to improve his/her aspects that are in need of change. When a person is unwilling to do this, there will be little growth and development in the marriage.
Never Bring up Mistakes of the Past
It can be very hurting for another person to be reminded of past mistakes. In Islam, it is generally not recommended to dwell on the past. One may remember errors that were made so that they are not repeated, but this should not be done excessively. Certainly, as humans, we are not in the position to judge another person. Advice may be given, but not in a harmful manner.
Surprise Each Other at Times
This may entail bringing home a small gift or flowers, preparing a special meal, dressing up and beautifying oneself (this is not only for women), or sending a secret note in a lunchbox. A little imagination will go a long way here. The idea is to spice up the marriage and avoid getting into a dull routine that may negatively affect the marriage.
Have a Sense of Humour
This particular aspect can go a long way in preventing arguments and brightening the atmosphere of the home. Life is a constant stream of challenges and tests, and to approach it in a light-hearted manner will help to make the journey smoother and more enjoyable. You may also find that your spouse enjoys this characteristic and looks forward to spending time with you because of it.
Quick Tips for Discussions and Disagreements:
Begin with the intention to resolve the issue. If both spouses have this intention and plan to consult together, it is more likely that there will be a successful resolution.
Remember that it takes two to quarrel. If only one person chooses not to argue, there will be no argument. Generally, the one who is wrong does most of the talking.
Both spouses should not be angry at the same time. If one of the spouses becomes upset, it is best if the other tries to remain calm and collected.
Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire. Of course, house fires do not occur very frequently; yelling should occur at about the same rate.
Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled. This is one of the worst things that can happen in a marriage and should be avoided as much as possible. This allows hurt feelings and thoughts to linger and generally exacerbates the problem.
If one spouse needs to win, let it be your mate. Do not focus on winning yourself; this is the main reason that discussions tend to become heated.
Dr. Aisha Hamdan
[Source: Madrasa In'aamiyyah]
My AccountSign InForgot PasswordRegisterMarriage Articles
Tips on Selecting a Marriage Partner
Marriage: Purpose and Obligation
Tips for a Happy and Successful Marriage
To the Prospective Muslim Husband: What is a Wife?
An-Nikah: The Islamic Marriage
Do Muslim Husbands Make the Grade?
Encouragement of Marriage and Having Children
How To Be A Successful Husband
Find Your PartnerNew ContactsAdvanced SearchQuick SearchMembers OnlineWho has seen my profile?Auto MatchmakerSearch TipsSuccess StoriesSearch by ID:
Paid ServicesPremium MembershipPersonal AlbumSMS MessagesMore...Help & SupportQuick LinksHelp / FAQsReport AbuseTechnical SupportLearn MoreWhy MehndiAffiliate ProgramAdvertisePrivacy PolicyTerms & ConditionsContact
Join | Advertise | Affiliate Program | Contact | Privacy Policy | Terms & Conditions | Success Stories
Pakistani Matrimonial | Pakistani Dating | Pakistani Marriage | Pakistani Singles | Pakistani Wedding | Muslim MatrimonialAll trademarks, logos and names are properties of their respective owners.
Copyright © 2010 Mehndi.com Your Pakistani and Indian Matrimonial service
Mehndi.com is a Cronomagic company. All Rights Reserved.
The young and excited bride-and-groom-to-be; ecstatic about the upcoming wedding and marriage and the joy that it will bring. Three to six months later, reality has set in and both spouses realize that marriage is no easy task, but one that takes a great deal of effort and patience. The following are tips for both wives and husbands, to help make the task a little less daunting, and to increase the many rewards that are possible in such a marvelous and complex relationship.
Enter the Marriage with the Right Intention and Renew this Often
Both spouses should enter the marriage with the pure intention of pleasing Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala, in order to receive His grace and blessings. The marriage itself then becomes an act of worship and one for which both spouses will be rewarded.
Allah will be pleased with them and this will be the most critical element in ensuring peace, stability and happiness throughout the marital life. It is also important to realize that when an act of worship is continued over a long period of time, it becomes necessary to renew one's intention often to remain on the correct path and to obtain the most benefit.
Remember that Your Spouse is also Your Brother or Sister in Islam
Too often Muslims treat other people outside the home with kindness and sincerity, but then behave in a very different manner when it comes to their own spouses. Muslims should always remember that one's spouse is also another brother or sister in Islam and that the rights and duties that apply to the general brotherhood (sisterhood) of Islam, should also form the basis of the marital relationship. Obviously, a spouse has rights beyond these, but there should be a clear understanding of the rights of brotherhood (sisterhood) and adherence to these principles.
Do Not Hold Unrealistic Expectations
Before marriage, people often have unrealistic ideas about their spouse-to-be, expecting perfection in all aspects. This rarely, if ever, plays out in reality and can lead to unnecessary problems and concerns. We should recall that Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala, created humans as imperfect beings, which means that many mistakes will be made throughout a lifetime. By turning the table and expecting imperfection, we will be pleasantly surprised and pleased when our spouse is much more than we ever hoped for. This, in turn, will lead to contentment within the marriage.
Emphasize the Best in Your Spouse
Since no one is endowed with all of the best qualities, emphasis should be placed on the positive qualities that a spouse possesses. Encouragement, praise, and gratitude should be expressed on a regular basis, which will strengthen these qualities and be beneficial in developing others. An attempt should be made to overlook or ignore negative characteristics, as the Prophet, sallallahu alayhe wa sallam, said, "A believing man should not have any malice against a believing woman. He may dislike one characteristic in her, but may find another in her which is pleasing." (Muslim)
Be Your Mate's Best Friend
Try to think of what a best friend means and be one to your spouse. This may mean sharing interests, experiences, dreams, failures and upsets. It may involve understanding a spouse's likes and dislikes and attempting to please him or her in any way possible. A best friend is also usually someone that can be confided to trusted, and relied upon. A spouse should be the kind of friend that one would want to keep throughout life.
Spend Quality Time Together
It is not enough to share meals, chores and small talk together. Spouses should also find time to focus on strengthening the relationship. Often couples get busy with their own separate tasks and forget about working on one of the most important elements in life. Quality time may be anything from having a quiet, profound conversation to going for a nice long nature walk, to sharing a special hobby or project. Both spouses should enjoy the particular option chosen and distractions should be kept to a minimum.
Express Feelings Often
This is probably a very "Western" concept and one that some people may have difficulty fulfilling, but it is important to be open and honest about one's feelings, both positive and negative. The lines of communication should always be open and any concerns should be brought to the attention of the other spouse as soon as they arise. The rationale of this is that what begins as a simple concern may grow into a major problem if it is not addressed quickly and properly. The "silent treatment" has never been the remedy for anything.
Admit to Mistakes and ask for Forgiveness
Just as we ask Allah to forgive us when we make mistakes, we should also do the same with our spouses. The stronger person is the one who can admit when he or she is wrong, request pardon from the other, and work hard to improve his/her aspects that are in need of change. When a person is unwilling to do this, there will be little growth and development in the marriage.
Never Bring up Mistakes of the Past
It can be very hurting for another person to be reminded of past mistakes. In Islam, it is generally not recommended to dwell on the past. One may remember errors that were made so that they are not repeated, but this should not be done excessively. Certainly, as humans, we are not in the position to judge another person. Advice may be given, but not in a harmful manner.
Surprise Each Other at Times
This may entail bringing home a small gift or flowers, preparing a special meal, dressing up and beautifying oneself (this is not only for women), or sending a secret note in a lunchbox. A little imagination will go a long way here. The idea is to spice up the marriage and avoid getting into a dull routine that may negatively affect the marriage.
Have a Sense of Humour
This particular aspect can go a long way in preventing arguments and brightening the atmosphere of the home. Life is a constant stream of challenges and tests, and to approach it in a light-hearted manner will help to make the journey smoother and more enjoyable. You may also find that your spouse enjoys this characteristic and looks forward to spending time with you because of it.
Quick Tips for Discussions and Disagreements:
Begin with the intention to resolve the issue. If both spouses have this intention and plan to consult together, it is more likely that there will be a successful resolution.
Remember that it takes two to quarrel. If only one person chooses not to argue, there will be no argument. Generally, the one who is wrong does most of the talking.
Both spouses should not be angry at the same time. If one of the spouses becomes upset, it is best if the other tries to remain calm and collected.
Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire. Of course, house fires do not occur very frequently; yelling should occur at about the same rate.
Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled. This is one of the worst things that can happen in a marriage and should be avoided as much as possible. This allows hurt feelings and thoughts to linger and generally exacerbates the problem.
If one spouse needs to win, let it be your mate. Do not focus on winning yourself; this is the main reason that discussions tend to become heated.
Dr. Aisha Hamdan
[Source: Madrasa In'aamiyyah]
My AccountSign InForgot PasswordRegisterMarriage Articles
Tips on Selecting a Marriage Partner
Marriage: Purpose and Obligation
Tips for a Happy and Successful Marriage
To the Prospective Muslim Husband: What is a Wife?
An-Nikah: The Islamic Marriage
Do Muslim Husbands Make the Grade?
Encouragement of Marriage and Having Children
How To Be A Successful Husband
Find Your PartnerNew ContactsAdvanced SearchQuick SearchMembers OnlineWho has seen my profile?Auto MatchmakerSearch TipsSuccess StoriesSearch by ID:
Paid ServicesPremium MembershipPersonal AlbumSMS MessagesMore...Help & SupportQuick LinksHelp / FAQsReport AbuseTechnical SupportLearn MoreWhy MehndiAffiliate ProgramAdvertisePrivacy PolicyTerms & ConditionsContact
Join | Advertise | Affiliate Program | Contact | Privacy Policy | Terms & Conditions | Success Stories
Pakistani Matrimonial | Pakistani Dating | Pakistani Marriage | Pakistani Singles | Pakistani Wedding | Muslim MatrimonialAll trademarks, logos and names are properties of their respective owners.
Copyright © 2010 Mehndi.com Your Pakistani and Indian Matrimonial service
Mehndi.com is a Cronomagic company. All Rights Reserved.
Marriage: Purpose and Obligation
Marriage: Purpose and Obligation
Definition of Marriage
Nikah is an Arabic term used for marriage. It means "contract". ("Aqd in Arabic). The Quran specifically refers to marriage as "mithaqun Ghalithun,". Which means "a strong covenant".
"and they have taken a strong pledge (Mithaqun Ghalithun) from you?" (Quran 4:21)
The seriousness of this covenant becomes obvious when one finds the same term i.e., Mithaqun Ghalithun, being used for the covenant made between Allah and the Prophet before granting them the responsibility of the Prophethood. (Quran 33:7)
The Quran also uses the Arabic word "Hisn", suggesting "fortress" for marriage. Marriage is considered the fortress of chastity.
The Purpose of Marriage
As a meaningful institution, marriage has two main purposes:
To ensure preservation of the human species and continuation of the human race,
"O mankind! Be careful of your duty to your Lord, Who created you from a single soul and from it created its mate and from them has spread abroad a multitude of men and women" (Quran: 4:1)
To provide spiritual and legal foundation of the family
"And of His signs is this: He created for you mates from yourself that you might find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy. Lo, therein indeed are portents for folk who reflect". (Quran 30:21)
Through Marriage, the conjugal relationship between a man and a woman becomes lawful. It provides a legitimate outlet for recreation as well as procreation. Islam regards sex as natural and good, but restricts it to the partners of marriage so as to ensure the responsibility for its consequences.
"Your women are a tilth for you so go to your tilth as you will, and send (good deeds) before you for your souls, and fear Allah, and know that you will (one day) meet him. Give glad tidings to believers, (O Muhammad)." (Quran 2:223)
Marriage provides spiritual, physical, emotional and psychological companionship. This companionship generates and sustains love, kindness, compassion, mutual confidence, solace and succor (sakinah). It lays a spiritual and legal foundation for raising a family. The children born of the matrimonial union become legitimate and mutual rights of inheritance are established.
Marriage: A Religious Requirement
Marriage in Islam is a recommended as a religious requirement.
"Marry those among you who are single and (marry) your slaves, male and female, that are righteous" (Quran 24:32)
Prophet Muhammad (S) declared:
"When the servant of Allah marries, he has fulfilled half the (responsibilities laid on him by the) faith; so let him be God conscious with respect to the other half". (Mishkat)
Marriage has also been commended as the way of the prophets.
"We indeed sent messengers before you (O Muhammad), and We assigned them wives and children" (Quran 13:38)
Marriage, in fact, is specifically considered the tradition (sunnah) of Prophet Muhammad (S) when he declared:
"Marriage is my Sunnah, whoever disregards my (sunnah) path is not from among us". (ibn Majah)
Islam discourages celibacy and encourages marriage, as Prophet Muhammad (S) recommended:
"Whoever is able to marry, should marry". (Bukhari)
Mohammad Mazhar Hussaini
Definition of Marriage
Nikah is an Arabic term used for marriage. It means "contract". ("Aqd in Arabic). The Quran specifically refers to marriage as "mithaqun Ghalithun,". Which means "a strong covenant".
"and they have taken a strong pledge (Mithaqun Ghalithun) from you?" (Quran 4:21)
The seriousness of this covenant becomes obvious when one finds the same term i.e., Mithaqun Ghalithun, being used for the covenant made between Allah and the Prophet before granting them the responsibility of the Prophethood. (Quran 33:7)
The Quran also uses the Arabic word "Hisn", suggesting "fortress" for marriage. Marriage is considered the fortress of chastity.
The Purpose of Marriage
As a meaningful institution, marriage has two main purposes:
To ensure preservation of the human species and continuation of the human race,
"O mankind! Be careful of your duty to your Lord, Who created you from a single soul and from it created its mate and from them has spread abroad a multitude of men and women" (Quran: 4:1)
To provide spiritual and legal foundation of the family
"And of His signs is this: He created for you mates from yourself that you might find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy. Lo, therein indeed are portents for folk who reflect". (Quran 30:21)
Through Marriage, the conjugal relationship between a man and a woman becomes lawful. It provides a legitimate outlet for recreation as well as procreation. Islam regards sex as natural and good, but restricts it to the partners of marriage so as to ensure the responsibility for its consequences.
"Your women are a tilth for you so go to your tilth as you will, and send (good deeds) before you for your souls, and fear Allah, and know that you will (one day) meet him. Give glad tidings to believers, (O Muhammad)." (Quran 2:223)
Marriage provides spiritual, physical, emotional and psychological companionship. This companionship generates and sustains love, kindness, compassion, mutual confidence, solace and succor (sakinah). It lays a spiritual and legal foundation for raising a family. The children born of the matrimonial union become legitimate and mutual rights of inheritance are established.
Marriage: A Religious Requirement
Marriage in Islam is a recommended as a religious requirement.
"Marry those among you who are single and (marry) your slaves, male and female, that are righteous" (Quran 24:32)
Prophet Muhammad (S) declared:
"When the servant of Allah marries, he has fulfilled half the (responsibilities laid on him by the) faith; so let him be God conscious with respect to the other half". (Mishkat)
Marriage has also been commended as the way of the prophets.
"We indeed sent messengers before you (O Muhammad), and We assigned them wives and children" (Quran 13:38)
Marriage, in fact, is specifically considered the tradition (sunnah) of Prophet Muhammad (S) when he declared:
"Marriage is my Sunnah, whoever disregards my (sunnah) path is not from among us". (ibn Majah)
Islam discourages celibacy and encourages marriage, as Prophet Muhammad (S) recommended:
"Whoever is able to marry, should marry". (Bukhari)
Mohammad Mazhar Hussaini
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
A Wife
A Wife
This article has been widely atributed to a lecture given by Sheikh Abdullah Adhami, but I have been informed that he is not the actual author, so for now it is, Author Unknown.
By getting married you are not just getting a wife, you are getting your whole world. From now until the rest of your days your wife will be your partner, your companion, and your best friend.
She will share your moments, your days, and your years. She will share your joys and sorrows, your successes and failures, your dreams and your fears. When you are ill, she will take the best care of you; when you need help, she will do all she can for you; when you have a secret, she will keep it; when you need advice, she will give you the best advice. She will always be with you: when you wake up in the morning the first thing your eyes will see will be hers; during the day, she will be with you, if for some time she is not with you by her physical body, she will be thinking of you, praying for you with all her heart, mind, and soul; when you go to sleep at night, the last thing your eyes will see will be her; and when you are asleep you will still see her in your dreams. In short, she will be your whole world and you will be her whole world.
The best description that I personally have ever read describing the closeness of the spouses to each other is the Qur'anic verse which says: "They are your garments and you are their garments." (Surah Al Baqarah 2:187). Indeed, spouses are like garments to each other because they provide one another with the protection, the comfort, the cover, the support, and the adornment that garments provide to humans. Just imagine a journey in the winter of Alaska without garments! Our spouses provide us with the same level of comfort, protection, cover, and support in the journey of our lives on this earth as garments would do in the Alaskan journey.
The relationship between the spouses is the most amazing of all human relations: the amount of love and affection, intimacy and closeness, mercy and compassion, peace and tranquillity that fills the hearts of the spouses is simply inexplicable. The only rational explanation for these most amazing of all human feelings is that: it is an act of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala, "And Allah has made for you Mates (and Companions of your own nature ..." (Surah Al Nahl 16:72)
Only our Almighty Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala in His Infinite Power, Boundless Mercy, and Great Wisdom can create and ingrain these amazing and blessed feelings in the hearts of the spouses. In fact Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is reminding those who search for His signs in the universe that these feelings in the hearts of the spouses are among the signs that should guide humans to His existence as He says in the Qur'an, "And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: verily in that are signs for those who reflect." (Surah Al Rum 30:21)
But Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala knows that the human heart is not a static entity, it is sometimes weak and at times dynamic. Feelings can and do change with time. Love may wither and fade away. The marital bond might weaken if not properly cared for. Happiness in marriage cannot be taken for granted; continuous happiness requires constant giving from both sides. For the tree of marital love to remain alive and keep growing, the soil has to be sustained, maintained, watered and nurtured.
Remember that our Prophet Muhammad Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam had found the time to go out to the desert and race with his wife Aisha. She outran him but later after she had gained some weight, he outran her. Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam took his wife to watch the young Ethiopians playing and dancing their folk dances. The show of emotions is necessary to keep the marital bond away from rusting and disintegrating. Remember that you will be rewarded by Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala for any emotions you show to your wife as the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam said "One would be rewarded for anything that he does seeking the pleasure of Allah even the food that he puts in the mouth of his wife"
Never underestimate the importance of seemingly little things as putting food in your wife's mouth, opening the car door for her, etc. Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam used to extend his knee to his wife to assist her up to ride the camel.
Try to always find some time for both of you to pray together. Strengthening the bond between you and Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is the best guarantee that your own marital bond would always remain strong. Having peace with Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala will always result in having more peace at home.
Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam gave glad tidings for those couples who wake up at night to pray together. The Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam even urged the spouse who rises up first to wake the other spouse up, even by splashing cold water on his/her face.
Always try your best to be good to your wife by words and by deeds. Talk to her, smile to her, seek her advice, ask for her opinion, spend quality time with her and always remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam said, "The best of you are those who are best to their wives"
Finally, it is common that spouses vow to love and honor their spouses until death do them part. I do believe that this vow is good or even great, but not enough! It is not enough that you love your wife. You have to love what she loves as well. Her family, her loved ones must also become your loved ones. Don't be like my colleague who was unhappy about his wife's parents coming to visit for few weeks. He candidly said to her "I don't like your parents." Naturally she angrily looked at him straight in the eye and said, "I don't like yours either." Also, it is not enough that you love her until death do you part. Love should never end and we do believe there is life after death where those who did righteousness in this world will be joined by their spouses (Surah Al Zukhruf 43:70) and offsprings.
The best example in this regard is the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam whose love for Khadija, his wife of 25 years, extended to include all those she loved; this love of his continued even after her death. It was many years after her death and he never forgot her and whenever a goat was slaughtered in his house he would send portions of it to Khadija's family and friends and whenever he felt that the visitor at the door might be Khadija's sister Hala, he would pray saying, "O Allah let it be Hala."
This article has been widely atributed to a lecture given by Sheikh Abdullah Adhami, but I have been informed that he is not the actual author, so for now it is, Author Unknown.
By getting married you are not just getting a wife, you are getting your whole world. From now until the rest of your days your wife will be your partner, your companion, and your best friend.
She will share your moments, your days, and your years. She will share your joys and sorrows, your successes and failures, your dreams and your fears. When you are ill, she will take the best care of you; when you need help, she will do all she can for you; when you have a secret, she will keep it; when you need advice, she will give you the best advice. She will always be with you: when you wake up in the morning the first thing your eyes will see will be hers; during the day, she will be with you, if for some time she is not with you by her physical body, she will be thinking of you, praying for you with all her heart, mind, and soul; when you go to sleep at night, the last thing your eyes will see will be her; and when you are asleep you will still see her in your dreams. In short, she will be your whole world and you will be her whole world.
The best description that I personally have ever read describing the closeness of the spouses to each other is the Qur'anic verse which says: "They are your garments and you are their garments." (Surah Al Baqarah 2:187). Indeed, spouses are like garments to each other because they provide one another with the protection, the comfort, the cover, the support, and the adornment that garments provide to humans. Just imagine a journey in the winter of Alaska without garments! Our spouses provide us with the same level of comfort, protection, cover, and support in the journey of our lives on this earth as garments would do in the Alaskan journey.
The relationship between the spouses is the most amazing of all human relations: the amount of love and affection, intimacy and closeness, mercy and compassion, peace and tranquillity that fills the hearts of the spouses is simply inexplicable. The only rational explanation for these most amazing of all human feelings is that: it is an act of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala, "And Allah has made for you Mates (and Companions of your own nature ..." (Surah Al Nahl 16:72)
Only our Almighty Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala in His Infinite Power, Boundless Mercy, and Great Wisdom can create and ingrain these amazing and blessed feelings in the hearts of the spouses. In fact Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is reminding those who search for His signs in the universe that these feelings in the hearts of the spouses are among the signs that should guide humans to His existence as He says in the Qur'an, "And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: verily in that are signs for those who reflect." (Surah Al Rum 30:21)
But Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala knows that the human heart is not a static entity, it is sometimes weak and at times dynamic. Feelings can and do change with time. Love may wither and fade away. The marital bond might weaken if not properly cared for. Happiness in marriage cannot be taken for granted; continuous happiness requires constant giving from both sides. For the tree of marital love to remain alive and keep growing, the soil has to be sustained, maintained, watered and nurtured.
Remember that our Prophet Muhammad Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam had found the time to go out to the desert and race with his wife Aisha. She outran him but later after she had gained some weight, he outran her. Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam took his wife to watch the young Ethiopians playing and dancing their folk dances. The show of emotions is necessary to keep the marital bond away from rusting and disintegrating. Remember that you will be rewarded by Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala for any emotions you show to your wife as the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam said "One would be rewarded for anything that he does seeking the pleasure of Allah even the food that he puts in the mouth of his wife"
Never underestimate the importance of seemingly little things as putting food in your wife's mouth, opening the car door for her, etc. Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam used to extend his knee to his wife to assist her up to ride the camel.
Try to always find some time for both of you to pray together. Strengthening the bond between you and Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is the best guarantee that your own marital bond would always remain strong. Having peace with Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala will always result in having more peace at home.
Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam gave glad tidings for those couples who wake up at night to pray together. The Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam even urged the spouse who rises up first to wake the other spouse up, even by splashing cold water on his/her face.
Always try your best to be good to your wife by words and by deeds. Talk to her, smile to her, seek her advice, ask for her opinion, spend quality time with her and always remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam said, "The best of you are those who are best to their wives"
Finally, it is common that spouses vow to love and honor their spouses until death do them part. I do believe that this vow is good or even great, but not enough! It is not enough that you love your wife. You have to love what she loves as well. Her family, her loved ones must also become your loved ones. Don't be like my colleague who was unhappy about his wife's parents coming to visit for few weeks. He candidly said to her "I don't like your parents." Naturally she angrily looked at him straight in the eye and said, "I don't like yours either." Also, it is not enough that you love her until death do you part. Love should never end and we do believe there is life after death where those who did righteousness in this world will be joined by their spouses (Surah Al Zukhruf 43:70) and offsprings.
The best example in this regard is the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam whose love for Khadija, his wife of 25 years, extended to include all those she loved; this love of his continued even after her death. It was many years after her death and he never forgot her and whenever a goat was slaughtered in his house he would send portions of it to Khadija's family and friends and whenever he felt that the visitor at the door might be Khadija's sister Hala, he would pray saying, "O Allah let it be Hala."
What is a Husband?
Guidelines for the Husband in Interacting with his Wife
Author: Dr. Marwwan Al-Qaisee
Source: Al-Asaalah Magazine
Translator: isma'eel alarcon
The family is that brick which forms the foundation of a society. It is composed of individuals that have permanent relations established between them. Most importantly, it possesses almost a majority of the different kinds of personal relations. Because of this, there must be certain etiquettes placed in order to control and regulate these relations. This is such that it can be maintained in the best possible manner, and so that it can generate and produce its proper fruits. Family relations consist of the relationship between the spouses from one perspective, the relationship between the parents and the children from a second perspective, and the relationship between the children themselves from a third perspective.
Etiquettes of the husband:
It is not from the deficiencies, but rather from good manners, that the husband shares in the responsibility of specified matters, such as the mending of garments or what is similar to that.
It is appropriate for a man to not restrict himself from serving himself. This is since the wife takes care of the household affairs. So therefore, it is from good manners that the husband extend a helping hand to his wife in the house, during times of necessity, such as when she is sick, pregnant, has given birth or similar to that.
The exemplary husband is he who cooperates with his wife by bearing good relations and showing kind manners (to her), according to the full extent of the meaning contained in these (last) two expressions. Truly, the husbands who are best at working alongside their wives are the best of mankind in the view of Islaam. This good way of living between the spouses must be deeply imbedded into the daily marital life, even at the time of divorce.
Beware of characterizing the relationship between the spouses with over-seriousness! For indeed characterizing the family life with a militaristic nature amounts to one of the causes for failure and bad results.
From the kind and noble manners of the husband is that he complies and assents to the requests of his wife, so long as they are not forbidden in the Religion. And being luxurious in food, drink and clothing is at the entrance of matters forbidden in the Religion.
The husband should specify a time in which he can play around and pass free time with his wife.
The relationship between the spouses must contain one singular and specific nature. And it cannot be this way unless the couple begins demolishing all the obstacles and impediments that stand between them. For example, the husband should not feel timid and restrain himself from drinking out of the same cup that his wife drinks out of.
There is no human being that is perfect. So there is no doubt that the husband will see things in his wife that does not comply with his natural disposition and preferences. If these aspects are not in opposition to the fundaments of the Religion or to the obedience of the husband and his rights, then at that point, he should not try to change her personality so that it complies with his natural preference.
And he must always remember that for each member of the couple, there will be an aspect of ones personality that conflicts with the others personality. And he should also remember that if there are some characteristics that he doesn't find pleasing in his wife, then indeed she has other characteristics, which will definitely be pleasing to him.
Do not let Ramadaan be a barrier that impedes you from showing affection to your wife, such as by kissing her. But this is so long as you are able to refrain yourself, since what is forbidden during the days of Ramadaan is only sexual intercourse.
Do not chase after the errors of your wife and recount them to her, for too much blaming and reprimanding will worsen the relationship between the two of you, and it will pose a threat to your marital life. So overlook your wife's easy ability to make mistakes, and make her falling into them seem like something small.
If you are able, do not hold back from providing your wife with good clothing and food, and from being generous in spending money on her. This is of course according to the extent of your ability.
Do not give little importance to implementing the punishment required for any acts in opposition to the Religion, which your wife has committed, whether it is in the home or outside it. This should be the main reason that causes you to become angry, thus no other reason should affect you (besides this one).
What has been stated previously does not mean that you should leave matters alone until that result comes to happen. Thus, whenever you realize that a matter is left alone, weigh it with seriousness and determination, without being too harsh or rude about it.
The woman is the head of the household, the one responsible for it. So do not attempt to meddle into affairs that do not fall into your area of duties and responsibilities, such as the food and the order of the house.
Beware of scolding your wife or blaming her for a mistake she committed, in the presence of others, even if they are your own children. For indeed that is an act that goes against correct behavior and it will lead to raising anger in the hearts of people.
If you are forced to place punishment upon your wife, then let it be by staying away from her at bedtime. And do not boycott her except that it is done within the household. And avoid using foul language, insulting her, beating her and describing her with repulsive names. For these matters do not befit an exemplary husband.
Having jealousy and caring about the modesty of your wife is a praiseworthy thing, which shows your love for her. However it is on the condition that you do not go to great extremes in this jealousy. For then at that point, it would turn into something worthy of no praise.
When entering the house, do not alarm your family by entering upon them suddenly. Rather, enter while they are aware of it, and greet them with Salaam. And ask about them and how they are doing. And do not forget to remember Allaah, the Mighty and Sublime, when you enter the house.
Beware of spreading any secrets connected with the intimate encounters you have with your wife, for that is something restricted and forbidden.
Constantly maintain the cleaning of your mouth and the freshening of your breath.
Guardianship of your wife doesn't mean that you can exploit what Allaah has bestowed upon you from taking charge of her, such that you harm and oppress her.
Showing respect and kindness to your wife's family is showing respect and kindness to her. And this applies even after her death, on the condition that it is not accompanied by an act forbidden in the Religion, such as intermingling of the sexes or being in privacy (with them).
Too much joking will lead to (your family having) little fear (of disobeying you) and a lack of respect for you. So do not joke too much with your wife.
Be considerate that fulfilling the conditions which you promised to your wife during the pre-marriage agreement is a matter possessing the highest of importance and priority. So do not neglect that after getting married.
When you lecture your wife or reprimand her or simply speak to her, choose the kindest and nicest of words and expressions for your speech. And do not reprimand her in front of others or in front of your children.
It is not proper for you to ask your wife to look for work outside of the house or to spend upon you from her wealth.
Do not overburden your wife with acts that she is not able to handle. Consider, with extreme regard, the environment she was raised up in. Rural service is not like urban service, and the service of a strong woman and her preparation for it is not like the service of a weak woman.
There is nothing in the obligation of a woman's service to her husband that negates his assisting her in that regard, if he should find the free time. Rather, this is from the good manners of living between the spouses. This discussion will continue in an upcoming issue, if Allaah wills.
Author: Dr. Marwwan Al-Qaisee
Source: Al-Asaalah Magazine
Translator: isma'eel alarcon
The family is that brick which forms the foundation of a society. It is composed of individuals that have permanent relations established between them. Most importantly, it possesses almost a majority of the different kinds of personal relations. Because of this, there must be certain etiquettes placed in order to control and regulate these relations. This is such that it can be maintained in the best possible manner, and so that it can generate and produce its proper fruits. Family relations consist of the relationship between the spouses from one perspective, the relationship between the parents and the children from a second perspective, and the relationship between the children themselves from a third perspective.
Etiquettes of the husband:
It is not from the deficiencies, but rather from good manners, that the husband shares in the responsibility of specified matters, such as the mending of garments or what is similar to that.
It is appropriate for a man to not restrict himself from serving himself. This is since the wife takes care of the household affairs. So therefore, it is from good manners that the husband extend a helping hand to his wife in the house, during times of necessity, such as when she is sick, pregnant, has given birth or similar to that.
The exemplary husband is he who cooperates with his wife by bearing good relations and showing kind manners (to her), according to the full extent of the meaning contained in these (last) two expressions. Truly, the husbands who are best at working alongside their wives are the best of mankind in the view of Islaam. This good way of living between the spouses must be deeply imbedded into the daily marital life, even at the time of divorce.
Beware of characterizing the relationship between the spouses with over-seriousness! For indeed characterizing the family life with a militaristic nature amounts to one of the causes for failure and bad results.
From the kind and noble manners of the husband is that he complies and assents to the requests of his wife, so long as they are not forbidden in the Religion. And being luxurious in food, drink and clothing is at the entrance of matters forbidden in the Religion.
The husband should specify a time in which he can play around and pass free time with his wife.
The relationship between the spouses must contain one singular and specific nature. And it cannot be this way unless the couple begins demolishing all the obstacles and impediments that stand between them. For example, the husband should not feel timid and restrain himself from drinking out of the same cup that his wife drinks out of.
There is no human being that is perfect. So there is no doubt that the husband will see things in his wife that does not comply with his natural disposition and preferences. If these aspects are not in opposition to the fundaments of the Religion or to the obedience of the husband and his rights, then at that point, he should not try to change her personality so that it complies with his natural preference.
And he must always remember that for each member of the couple, there will be an aspect of ones personality that conflicts with the others personality. And he should also remember that if there are some characteristics that he doesn't find pleasing in his wife, then indeed she has other characteristics, which will definitely be pleasing to him.
Do not let Ramadaan be a barrier that impedes you from showing affection to your wife, such as by kissing her. But this is so long as you are able to refrain yourself, since what is forbidden during the days of Ramadaan is only sexual intercourse.
Do not chase after the errors of your wife and recount them to her, for too much blaming and reprimanding will worsen the relationship between the two of you, and it will pose a threat to your marital life. So overlook your wife's easy ability to make mistakes, and make her falling into them seem like something small.
If you are able, do not hold back from providing your wife with good clothing and food, and from being generous in spending money on her. This is of course according to the extent of your ability.
Do not give little importance to implementing the punishment required for any acts in opposition to the Religion, which your wife has committed, whether it is in the home or outside it. This should be the main reason that causes you to become angry, thus no other reason should affect you (besides this one).
What has been stated previously does not mean that you should leave matters alone until that result comes to happen. Thus, whenever you realize that a matter is left alone, weigh it with seriousness and determination, without being too harsh or rude about it.
The woman is the head of the household, the one responsible for it. So do not attempt to meddle into affairs that do not fall into your area of duties and responsibilities, such as the food and the order of the house.
Beware of scolding your wife or blaming her for a mistake she committed, in the presence of others, even if they are your own children. For indeed that is an act that goes against correct behavior and it will lead to raising anger in the hearts of people.
If you are forced to place punishment upon your wife, then let it be by staying away from her at bedtime. And do not boycott her except that it is done within the household. And avoid using foul language, insulting her, beating her and describing her with repulsive names. For these matters do not befit an exemplary husband.
Having jealousy and caring about the modesty of your wife is a praiseworthy thing, which shows your love for her. However it is on the condition that you do not go to great extremes in this jealousy. For then at that point, it would turn into something worthy of no praise.
When entering the house, do not alarm your family by entering upon them suddenly. Rather, enter while they are aware of it, and greet them with Salaam. And ask about them and how they are doing. And do not forget to remember Allaah, the Mighty and Sublime, when you enter the house.
Beware of spreading any secrets connected with the intimate encounters you have with your wife, for that is something restricted and forbidden.
Constantly maintain the cleaning of your mouth and the freshening of your breath.
Guardianship of your wife doesn't mean that you can exploit what Allaah has bestowed upon you from taking charge of her, such that you harm and oppress her.
Showing respect and kindness to your wife's family is showing respect and kindness to her. And this applies even after her death, on the condition that it is not accompanied by an act forbidden in the Religion, such as intermingling of the sexes or being in privacy (with them).
Too much joking will lead to (your family having) little fear (of disobeying you) and a lack of respect for you. So do not joke too much with your wife.
Be considerate that fulfilling the conditions which you promised to your wife during the pre-marriage agreement is a matter possessing the highest of importance and priority. So do not neglect that after getting married.
When you lecture your wife or reprimand her or simply speak to her, choose the kindest and nicest of words and expressions for your speech. And do not reprimand her in front of others or in front of your children.
It is not proper for you to ask your wife to look for work outside of the house or to spend upon you from her wealth.
Do not overburden your wife with acts that she is not able to handle. Consider, with extreme regard, the environment she was raised up in. Rural service is not like urban service, and the service of a strong woman and her preparation for it is not like the service of a weak woman.
There is nothing in the obligation of a woman's service to her husband that negates his assisting her in that regard, if he should find the free time. Rather, this is from the good manners of living between the spouses. This discussion will continue in an upcoming issue, if Allaah wills.
The First Two Years:
The First Two Years:
A Marriage Survival Guide
Source: Soundvision, http://www.soundvision.com/Info/marriage/survivalguide.asp
More Muslim marriages in North America are breaking up in their first year than ever before, according to Shahina Siddiqui, executive director of the Islamic Social Services Association of the United States and Canada (ISSA).
The first five to seven years are the most challenging of any marriage. They are a time a couple spends getting to know each other better and adjusting to each other's habits and personalities.
Below are some of the main problems couples face in the early years and some possible solutions.
1. Lack of proper information before marriage
A number of problems are caused simply by the fact that the couple and their families have not discussed crucial issues beforehand. Some of these include:
whether or not the wife will work outside the home
will the couple wait to have children
which city and country the couple will live in after marriage
will they live with his parents or have their own apartment
These and other relevant issues need to be discussed and decided in the beginning stages of the marriage process.
2. Who's in charge?
One of the biggest problems is the tug-of-war between couples over who is in control in the relationship. This has led to a stalemate in disagreements, as well as bitter feelings.
Many couples today are refusing to compromise within moderation when differences arise.
While from an Islamic perspective, the husband is given the leadership role in the marriage relationship, this does not mean he runs the couple's family life like a dictatorship.
It must be remembered that Islamically, a leader is one who serves, manages, provides and nourishes. A leader must also have humbleness and humility.
A husband exercises the right kind of leadership by being listening to and consulting (doing Shura) with his wife.
Also, a husband is bound to follow the rules of the Quran and Sunnah. So differences in opinion should be referred back to these sources, instead of becoming a source of tension and problems.
3. The divorce option
Once upon a time, "divorce" was the seven-letter word most Muslim couples avoided using. Today, amongst many Muslim couples in North America, it is one of the first recourses turned to when conflicts occur in marriage.
It should be remembered that out of all of the things Allah has made Halal, divorce is the one He hates the most. Couples need to look at several other alternatives before turning to this drastic measure.
They should seek the help of older, wiser and trustworthy elders who will try to help them resolve their differences. Generally, they need to make a sincere, concerted effort to try to work things out before divorce is seriously considered.
4. Sexual problems
It is unrealistic to expect the issue of sex and sex-related problems to mysteriously disappear once a couple gets married.
In the sex-saturated culture of North America, couples tend to place very high expectations of each other in this area. They also expect instant results.
In reality, it takes time, commitment, disappointment and investment to establish a sexual relationship in marriage which is in tune with the needs of each partner.
It's important for Muslim couples to walk into marriage with proper information about sex and sexual etiquette from an Islamic perspective. They need to know what is Halal (permissible) and what is Haram (forbidden). They should also keep in mind that spouses must never discuss their sexual relationship with others, unless it is to get help for a specific problem with the right person or authority figure.
On a similar note, it's important for both the husband and wife to remember that they need to make themselves physically attractive to each other. Too many couples take marriage to mean an excuse to now let themselves go. The couple or one of the partners may gain too much weight, or may not care about hygiene and their looks in general. The reverse should be true: spouses should take the time out for these things and give them even more attention after marriage. Our beloved Prophet has recommended husband and wife both to do that, May Allah's peace and blessings be upon him.
5. In-laws
The first few years of marriage are not just a period of adjustment for the married couple. It's one of getting used to in-laws and vice-versa.
Husbands, wives and in-laws need to practice the Islamic rules of social relations with each other. These include: avoiding sarcasm, backbiting, calling each other by offensive nicknames, and making a special effort to respect each other as family members.
As well, comparisons need to be avoided, since every individual and every couple is different. So wives should not be compared to mothers and sisters. Husbands should not be compared to fathers and brothers. In-laws should not be compared to parents, etc.
In addition, there should be regular, healthy contact between spouses and in-laws. This can mean visiting each other at least once or twice a month, or calling if distance makes it difficult to get together.
6. Realism
Boy meets girl. They fall in love. They live happily ever after.
This is the plot of many a Hollywood and Bollywood movie, where everyone is "perfect". Real life is very different.
Couples may enter marriage with high-flying romantic ideas and expecting their partner to be the ideal human. But all humans have good and bad points. Husbands and wives have to learn to accept each other, warts and all.
6. Making a schedule and establishing rituals
Making a schedule may seem like an end to spontaneity but it's not.
This allows you to establish your own lifestyle and rituals as a couple. It's especially important if both the husband and wife are going to school and/or working. In this scenario, a schedule helps in setting time aside for each other during a fast-paced week of work and studies.
Some rituals couples can establish may include:
praying at least one prayer together
attending a study circle together once a week
deciding on a weekly menu
having a pancake breakfast every Saturday morning
setting aside one day on which no work or studying will be done
setting a day when both the husband and wife will clean up the house
setting a time to discuss finances and a budget
making a phone contacting during the day
deciding on a particular day and time once a month at least to visit each other's parents
By discussing and setting up these rituals, couples learn how to talk to and feel responsible for each other. They also learn to become a team instead of two people living in the same with separate lives.
7. Marriage as a restriction
Muslim men who have grown up in North America may find marriage restricting. After all, before, they could hang out with their buddies and get home by 11:00 p.m. and no one would say a word. After marriage though, they have to be home by 7:00 p.m if not earlier.
While marriage comes with responsibilities and a tighter schedule, the benefits are also there. It takes time and patience to realize that in the end the benefits (i.e. a life partner, kids, etc.) are greater than the restrictions.
8. Friends and Islamic activities
Friends are a joy and a good friend is someone you want to be close to for the rest of your life.
But friends are often the source of many marriage conflicts. Too much time spent with friends, either hanging out or on the phone, means time lost with a husband/wife.
Also, friends, especially if they are of the same age group, may give the wrong advice on marriage, due to their own inexperience in the area.
Some possible solutions to the friends dilemma could be:
working out a "friends time" at least once a week where the husband and the wife meet and/or talk with friends privately
developing friendships with other married couples so spouses can befriend spouses
Islamic activities fall in a similar category. Young Muslim activists may think they can keep attending those three-hour Muslim Students' Association meetings as they did before marriage. Not so.
Too much focus on outside Islamic activities takes away from spouse time. Give Islamic activities their due but within a balance of everyone's rights, including those of your spouse.
9. Not keeping secrets
A number of young married couples are notorious for not keeping secrets, especially related to sexual matters, and exposing their spouse's faults. This is not only unacceptable. It's unIslamic.
Couples should seek to hide each other's faults. They should seek advice on marriage problems from a "marriage mentor", someone who is older, wiser, trustworthy and has the best interests of both parties at heart.
10. Finances
How much should be spent on furniture, the house, food, etc. These are staple issues of any household and can lead to a tug-of-war between husband and wife.
To keep spending in check, husbands and wives need to draft a budget then stick to it. The household will run more efficiently and that's one less source of conflict in the marriage.
A special note to husbands: in the beginning of marriage, husbands tend to shower their wives with gifts. They do this as an expression of love and because they want to provide for their wives. However, as time passes and they keep giving, they go into debt or experience financial difficulty. As well, wives get used to a certain level of comfort which husbands can no longer afford.
Providing for a wife (and later on, a family) is not just reserved to material things. It includes spending time with her, and treating her with equity and kindness. In fact, most wives would prefer this kind of provision over expensive gifts.
11. Give each other space
A number of couples think being married means always being together and serving each other hand and foot.
Wives may initially take over all household chores, not letting the husband help or even do his own things (i.e. ironing his own clothes). They later regret this as household responsibilities increase and their husbands become dependent on them for the smallest things.
Husbands may think getting married means being with their wives all the time. This later may lead them to becoming irritable and cranky.
The key is to focus on being caring, fond of and accepting each other and giving each other sufficient space. Doing this provides a necessary balance in a relationship which is so close physically and emotionally.
A Marriage Survival Guide
Source: Soundvision, http://www.soundvision.com/Info/marriage/survivalguide.asp
More Muslim marriages in North America are breaking up in their first year than ever before, according to Shahina Siddiqui, executive director of the Islamic Social Services Association of the United States and Canada (ISSA).
The first five to seven years are the most challenging of any marriage. They are a time a couple spends getting to know each other better and adjusting to each other's habits and personalities.
Below are some of the main problems couples face in the early years and some possible solutions.
1. Lack of proper information before marriage
A number of problems are caused simply by the fact that the couple and their families have not discussed crucial issues beforehand. Some of these include:
whether or not the wife will work outside the home
will the couple wait to have children
which city and country the couple will live in after marriage
will they live with his parents or have their own apartment
These and other relevant issues need to be discussed and decided in the beginning stages of the marriage process.
2. Who's in charge?
One of the biggest problems is the tug-of-war between couples over who is in control in the relationship. This has led to a stalemate in disagreements, as well as bitter feelings.
Many couples today are refusing to compromise within moderation when differences arise.
While from an Islamic perspective, the husband is given the leadership role in the marriage relationship, this does not mean he runs the couple's family life like a dictatorship.
It must be remembered that Islamically, a leader is one who serves, manages, provides and nourishes. A leader must also have humbleness and humility.
A husband exercises the right kind of leadership by being listening to and consulting (doing Shura) with his wife.
Also, a husband is bound to follow the rules of the Quran and Sunnah. So differences in opinion should be referred back to these sources, instead of becoming a source of tension and problems.
3. The divorce option
Once upon a time, "divorce" was the seven-letter word most Muslim couples avoided using. Today, amongst many Muslim couples in North America, it is one of the first recourses turned to when conflicts occur in marriage.
It should be remembered that out of all of the things Allah has made Halal, divorce is the one He hates the most. Couples need to look at several other alternatives before turning to this drastic measure.
They should seek the help of older, wiser and trustworthy elders who will try to help them resolve their differences. Generally, they need to make a sincere, concerted effort to try to work things out before divorce is seriously considered.
4. Sexual problems
It is unrealistic to expect the issue of sex and sex-related problems to mysteriously disappear once a couple gets married.
In the sex-saturated culture of North America, couples tend to place very high expectations of each other in this area. They also expect instant results.
In reality, it takes time, commitment, disappointment and investment to establish a sexual relationship in marriage which is in tune with the needs of each partner.
It's important for Muslim couples to walk into marriage with proper information about sex and sexual etiquette from an Islamic perspective. They need to know what is Halal (permissible) and what is Haram (forbidden). They should also keep in mind that spouses must never discuss their sexual relationship with others, unless it is to get help for a specific problem with the right person or authority figure.
On a similar note, it's important for both the husband and wife to remember that they need to make themselves physically attractive to each other. Too many couples take marriage to mean an excuse to now let themselves go. The couple or one of the partners may gain too much weight, or may not care about hygiene and their looks in general. The reverse should be true: spouses should take the time out for these things and give them even more attention after marriage. Our beloved Prophet has recommended husband and wife both to do that, May Allah's peace and blessings be upon him.
5. In-laws
The first few years of marriage are not just a period of adjustment for the married couple. It's one of getting used to in-laws and vice-versa.
Husbands, wives and in-laws need to practice the Islamic rules of social relations with each other. These include: avoiding sarcasm, backbiting, calling each other by offensive nicknames, and making a special effort to respect each other as family members.
As well, comparisons need to be avoided, since every individual and every couple is different. So wives should not be compared to mothers and sisters. Husbands should not be compared to fathers and brothers. In-laws should not be compared to parents, etc.
In addition, there should be regular, healthy contact between spouses and in-laws. This can mean visiting each other at least once or twice a month, or calling if distance makes it difficult to get together.
6. Realism
Boy meets girl. They fall in love. They live happily ever after.
This is the plot of many a Hollywood and Bollywood movie, where everyone is "perfect". Real life is very different.
Couples may enter marriage with high-flying romantic ideas and expecting their partner to be the ideal human. But all humans have good and bad points. Husbands and wives have to learn to accept each other, warts and all.
6. Making a schedule and establishing rituals
Making a schedule may seem like an end to spontaneity but it's not.
This allows you to establish your own lifestyle and rituals as a couple. It's especially important if both the husband and wife are going to school and/or working. In this scenario, a schedule helps in setting time aside for each other during a fast-paced week of work and studies.
Some rituals couples can establish may include:
praying at least one prayer together
attending a study circle together once a week
deciding on a weekly menu
having a pancake breakfast every Saturday morning
setting aside one day on which no work or studying will be done
setting a day when both the husband and wife will clean up the house
setting a time to discuss finances and a budget
making a phone contacting during the day
deciding on a particular day and time once a month at least to visit each other's parents
By discussing and setting up these rituals, couples learn how to talk to and feel responsible for each other. They also learn to become a team instead of two people living in the same with separate lives.
7. Marriage as a restriction
Muslim men who have grown up in North America may find marriage restricting. After all, before, they could hang out with their buddies and get home by 11:00 p.m. and no one would say a word. After marriage though, they have to be home by 7:00 p.m if not earlier.
While marriage comes with responsibilities and a tighter schedule, the benefits are also there. It takes time and patience to realize that in the end the benefits (i.e. a life partner, kids, etc.) are greater than the restrictions.
8. Friends and Islamic activities
Friends are a joy and a good friend is someone you want to be close to for the rest of your life.
But friends are often the source of many marriage conflicts. Too much time spent with friends, either hanging out or on the phone, means time lost with a husband/wife.
Also, friends, especially if they are of the same age group, may give the wrong advice on marriage, due to their own inexperience in the area.
Some possible solutions to the friends dilemma could be:
working out a "friends time" at least once a week where the husband and the wife meet and/or talk with friends privately
developing friendships with other married couples so spouses can befriend spouses
Islamic activities fall in a similar category. Young Muslim activists may think they can keep attending those three-hour Muslim Students' Association meetings as they did before marriage. Not so.
Too much focus on outside Islamic activities takes away from spouse time. Give Islamic activities their due but within a balance of everyone's rights, including those of your spouse.
9. Not keeping secrets
A number of young married couples are notorious for not keeping secrets, especially related to sexual matters, and exposing their spouse's faults. This is not only unacceptable. It's unIslamic.
Couples should seek to hide each other's faults. They should seek advice on marriage problems from a "marriage mentor", someone who is older, wiser, trustworthy and has the best interests of both parties at heart.
10. Finances
How much should be spent on furniture, the house, food, etc. These are staple issues of any household and can lead to a tug-of-war between husband and wife.
To keep spending in check, husbands and wives need to draft a budget then stick to it. The household will run more efficiently and that's one less source of conflict in the marriage.
A special note to husbands: in the beginning of marriage, husbands tend to shower their wives with gifts. They do this as an expression of love and because they want to provide for their wives. However, as time passes and they keep giving, they go into debt or experience financial difficulty. As well, wives get used to a certain level of comfort which husbands can no longer afford.
Providing for a wife (and later on, a family) is not just reserved to material things. It includes spending time with her, and treating her with equity and kindness. In fact, most wives would prefer this kind of provision over expensive gifts.
11. Give each other space
A number of couples think being married means always being together and serving each other hand and foot.
Wives may initially take over all household chores, not letting the husband help or even do his own things (i.e. ironing his own clothes). They later regret this as household responsibilities increase and their husbands become dependent on them for the smallest things.
Husbands may think getting married means being with their wives all the time. This later may lead them to becoming irritable and cranky.
The key is to focus on being caring, fond of and accepting each other and giving each other sufficient space. Doing this provides a necessary balance in a relationship which is so close physically and emotionally.
Reviving Our Sense of Gheerah
By Fatima Barakatullah
We live in societies in which most men and women have lost their sense of modesty, women are obsessed with their appearances and wear clothes to be seen by others and to attract the attention of other men even if they are married! They have lost their sense of shame. Marriage is often looked upon as old-fashioned and short term affairs and frivolous relationships are the norm, everyone waiting to attract a better partner and feeling totally justified to dump one partner for another at the drop of a hat. Feminism too has reached its peak and men and women are told to suppress their natural emotions. Men are not even embarrassed when their wives are dressed up and attract the attention of other men, they don’t mind if another man sees, chats, laughs and even dances with their womenfolk and if they do mind, they are told not to be so possessive!
In Islam we have a concept of Gheerah. Gheerah is an Arabic word which means protectiveness or jealousy. It is a good type of jealousy, like when a man feels jealous or protective over his wife or sisters and other-womenfolk and doesn’t like other men to look at them. It is a natural inbuilt feeling Allah has given men and women. The Prophet (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) had the most Gheerah for his wives and all of the companions were known for their Gheerah.
All Muslim men should have a collective sense of protectiveness for Muslim women as Allah says in the Qur’an, the meaning of which is: “The Men are the protectors and maintainers of women…” (Surah An-Nisaa, Ayah 34).
Men who do not care about how their women behave and appear in front of other men and don’t enforce hijaab upon their wives or women-folk are called Dayyooth. Being a Dayyooth is a major sin and a detailed discription of this evil characteristic can be found in adh-Dhahabee’s book of Major Sins (Kitaab ul-Kabaa’ir).
A Story of Gheerah
To further understand the quality of Gheerah, we can look at an incident that Asmaa’ radiallahu 'anhaa) the daughter of Abu Bakr As-Siddeeq (radiallahu 'anhu) and sister of Aisha (radiallaahu 'anhaa), relates about herself. Abu Bakr was a wealthy merchant and he married his daughter Asmaa’ to the great companion Az-Zubayr ibn al-‘Awwam (radiallahu 'anhu) who was a very poor man but a man of great piety and one of the companions who were promised Paradise.
Asmaa’ relates: “When az-Zubayr married me, he had neither land nor wealth nor slave…”, so Asmaa’ had to work very hard kneading dough, going far off to get water. “And I used to carry on my head,” she continues, “the date stones from the land of az-Zubair which Allah’s Messenger (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) had endowed him and it was a distance of two miles from Madeenah. One day, as I was carrying the date-stones upon my head, I happened to meet Allah’s Messenger (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam), along with a group of his Companions. He called me and told the camel to sit down so that he could make me ride behind him. I felt shy to go with men and I remembered az-Zubair and his Gheerah and he was a man having the most Gheerah. The Messenger of Allah (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) understood my shyness and left. I came to az-Zubair and said: “The Messenger of Allah (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) met me as I was carrying date-stones upon my head and there was with him a group of his Companions. He told the camel to kneel so that I could mount it, but I felt shy and I remembered your Gheerah.” So Asmaa’ declined the offer made by the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam). Upon this az-Zubair said: “By Allah, the thought of you carrying date-stones upon your head is more severe a burden on me than you riding with him.” (related in Saheeh Al-Bukhari)
Look at the sense of dignity and modesty of Asmaa’! See how she felt shy in front of men? See how careful she was about her husband’s feelings? She knew that her husband had a lot of Gheerah so she didn’t want to upset him by accepting the Prophet’s (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) help even though the Prophet was the purest of men and even though it meant bringing hardship on herself! And look at Az-Zubair (radiallahu 'anhu), even though he had a lot of Gheerah, he didn’t want to inconvenience his wife. What a beautiful relationship they had!
Nurturing Our Sense of Gheerah
Sometimes Muslim women don’t understand if their menfolk want them to cover their faces or if they ask them to change something about the way they dress or speak in public, thinking that the men are being over-protective. But my dear sisters! If your husband asks you not to wear a certain colour of khimaar because it brings out the beauty of your eyes, or if he wants you to cover your face – by Allah, be thankful! Be proud of the fact that your husband has a sense of Gheerah for you and that he values you and cares for your hereafter. He knows what men can be like more than you do and so never try and suppress his Gheerah in these types of matters. And his concern for you should incite your own sense of honor! Why should any man be able to see your beauty and think indecent thoughts about you? We must nurture our own and our menfolk’s sense of Gheerah by behaving and dressing modestly ourselves and paying attention to their valid opinions. We expect certain behavior from them and they expect it of us. And besides, if our husband asks us to do something that it not haraam, we must do it.
And Brothers! How can you allow your wife or sister to walk around attracting the attentions and evil-thoughts of other men? How can you not mind if she smiles as she talks to other men. Nobody has the right to enjoy her and her company but you and her Maharim men. You are not being overbearing if you first encourage and then enforce the hijaab on your womenfolk because YOU will be asked about it on the Day of Judgement and it is also a major sin upon YOU! It is upon the men to enforce these things in their homes and you cannot use the excuse that your wife didn’t want to. Women need a firm, balanced, guiding hand from their men, so with wisdom you must enforce hijaab in your home. You are a shepherd and are responsible for your flock! Allah reminds us all in the Qur’an, the meaning of which is: “Oh you who believe, Protect yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is men and stones.” (At-Tahreem, Aayah 6)
There is a big difference between how Islam values and protects women and how cheaply women are treated outside of Islam! As Muslims we have to be careful that our Hayaa’ (sense of modesty and shame) and Gheerah don’t wear out in a society in which people have lost it.
We live in societies in which most men and women have lost their sense of modesty, women are obsessed with their appearances and wear clothes to be seen by others and to attract the attention of other men even if they are married! They have lost their sense of shame. Marriage is often looked upon as old-fashioned and short term affairs and frivolous relationships are the norm, everyone waiting to attract a better partner and feeling totally justified to dump one partner for another at the drop of a hat. Feminism too has reached its peak and men and women are told to suppress their natural emotions. Men are not even embarrassed when their wives are dressed up and attract the attention of other men, they don’t mind if another man sees, chats, laughs and even dances with their womenfolk and if they do mind, they are told not to be so possessive!
In Islam we have a concept of Gheerah. Gheerah is an Arabic word which means protectiveness or jealousy. It is a good type of jealousy, like when a man feels jealous or protective over his wife or sisters and other-womenfolk and doesn’t like other men to look at them. It is a natural inbuilt feeling Allah has given men and women. The Prophet (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) had the most Gheerah for his wives and all of the companions were known for their Gheerah.
All Muslim men should have a collective sense of protectiveness for Muslim women as Allah says in the Qur’an, the meaning of which is: “The Men are the protectors and maintainers of women…” (Surah An-Nisaa, Ayah 34).
Men who do not care about how their women behave and appear in front of other men and don’t enforce hijaab upon their wives or women-folk are called Dayyooth. Being a Dayyooth is a major sin and a detailed discription of this evil characteristic can be found in adh-Dhahabee’s book of Major Sins (Kitaab ul-Kabaa’ir).
A Story of Gheerah
To further understand the quality of Gheerah, we can look at an incident that Asmaa’ radiallahu 'anhaa) the daughter of Abu Bakr As-Siddeeq (radiallahu 'anhu) and sister of Aisha (radiallaahu 'anhaa), relates about herself. Abu Bakr was a wealthy merchant and he married his daughter Asmaa’ to the great companion Az-Zubayr ibn al-‘Awwam (radiallahu 'anhu) who was a very poor man but a man of great piety and one of the companions who were promised Paradise.
Asmaa’ relates: “When az-Zubayr married me, he had neither land nor wealth nor slave…”, so Asmaa’ had to work very hard kneading dough, going far off to get water. “And I used to carry on my head,” she continues, “the date stones from the land of az-Zubair which Allah’s Messenger (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) had endowed him and it was a distance of two miles from Madeenah. One day, as I was carrying the date-stones upon my head, I happened to meet Allah’s Messenger (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam), along with a group of his Companions. He called me and told the camel to sit down so that he could make me ride behind him. I felt shy to go with men and I remembered az-Zubair and his Gheerah and he was a man having the most Gheerah. The Messenger of Allah (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) understood my shyness and left. I came to az-Zubair and said: “The Messenger of Allah (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) met me as I was carrying date-stones upon my head and there was with him a group of his Companions. He told the camel to kneel so that I could mount it, but I felt shy and I remembered your Gheerah.” So Asmaa’ declined the offer made by the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam). Upon this az-Zubair said: “By Allah, the thought of you carrying date-stones upon your head is more severe a burden on me than you riding with him.” (related in Saheeh Al-Bukhari)
Look at the sense of dignity and modesty of Asmaa’! See how she felt shy in front of men? See how careful she was about her husband’s feelings? She knew that her husband had a lot of Gheerah so she didn’t want to upset him by accepting the Prophet’s (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) help even though the Prophet was the purest of men and even though it meant bringing hardship on herself! And look at Az-Zubair (radiallahu 'anhu), even though he had a lot of Gheerah, he didn’t want to inconvenience his wife. What a beautiful relationship they had!
Nurturing Our Sense of Gheerah
Sometimes Muslim women don’t understand if their menfolk want them to cover their faces or if they ask them to change something about the way they dress or speak in public, thinking that the men are being over-protective. But my dear sisters! If your husband asks you not to wear a certain colour of khimaar because it brings out the beauty of your eyes, or if he wants you to cover your face – by Allah, be thankful! Be proud of the fact that your husband has a sense of Gheerah for you and that he values you and cares for your hereafter. He knows what men can be like more than you do and so never try and suppress his Gheerah in these types of matters. And his concern for you should incite your own sense of honor! Why should any man be able to see your beauty and think indecent thoughts about you? We must nurture our own and our menfolk’s sense of Gheerah by behaving and dressing modestly ourselves and paying attention to their valid opinions. We expect certain behavior from them and they expect it of us. And besides, if our husband asks us to do something that it not haraam, we must do it.
And Brothers! How can you allow your wife or sister to walk around attracting the attentions and evil-thoughts of other men? How can you not mind if she smiles as she talks to other men. Nobody has the right to enjoy her and her company but you and her Maharim men. You are not being overbearing if you first encourage and then enforce the hijaab on your womenfolk because YOU will be asked about it on the Day of Judgement and it is also a major sin upon YOU! It is upon the men to enforce these things in their homes and you cannot use the excuse that your wife didn’t want to. Women need a firm, balanced, guiding hand from their men, so with wisdom you must enforce hijaab in your home. You are a shepherd and are responsible for your flock! Allah reminds us all in the Qur’an, the meaning of which is: “Oh you who believe, Protect yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is men and stones.” (At-Tahreem, Aayah 6)
There is a big difference between how Islam values and protects women and how cheaply women are treated outside of Islam! As Muslims we have to be careful that our Hayaa’ (sense of modesty and shame) and Gheerah don’t wear out in a society in which people have lost it.
Pearls of Wisdom
A Mother's Advice to Her Daughter
From Jamharah Khutah al-'Arab, 1/145
Zawaj.com Editor's Note: The speech that forms the main content of this article is over 1400 years old, from the pre-Islamic period. The advice in the article is certainly out of date and one-sided, but there is much wisdom here if you look it as mutual advice for how the husband and wife should treat each other. So both partners should serve one another, please one another, protect one another, etc.
Abd al-Malik (Radiyallaahu 'anhaa) said: "When ‘Awf ibn Muhallim al-Shaybani, one of the most highly respected leaders of the Arab nobility during the jahiliyyah, married his daughter Umm Iyas to al-Harith ibn ‘Amr al-Kindi, as she was made ready to be taken to the groom, her mother, Umamah came into her room to advise her and said:
"O my daughter, if it were deemed unnecessary to give you this advice because of good manners and noble descent, then it would have been unnecessary for you, because you posses these qualities, but it will serve as a reminder to those who are forgetful, and will help those who are wise.
"O my daughter, if a woman were able to do without a husband by virtue of her father's wealth and her need for her father, then you of all people would be most able to do without a husband, but women were created for men just as men were created for them.
"O my daughter, you are about to leave the home in which you grew up, where you first learned to walk, to go to a place you do not know, to a companion to whom you are unfamiliar. By marrying you, he has become a master over you, so be like a servant to him, and he will become like a servant to you.
"Take from me ten qualities, which will be a provision and a reminder for you:
"The first and second of them are: be content in his company, and listen to and obey him, for contentment brings peace of mind, and listening to and obeying one's husband pleases Allah.
"The third and fourth of them are: make sure that you smell good and look good; he should not see anything ugly in you, and he should not smell anything but a pleasant smell from you. Kohl is the best kind of beautification to be
found, and water is better than the rarest perfume.
"The fifth and sixth of them are: prepare his food on time, and keep quiet when he is asleep, for raging hunger is like a burning flame, and disturbing his sleep will make him angry.
"The seventh and eight of them are: take care of his servants (or employees) and children, and take care of his wealth, for taking care of his wealth shows that you appreciate him, and taking care of his children and servants shows good management.
"The ninth and tenth of them are: never disclose any of his secrets, and never disobey any of his orders, for if you disclose any of his secrets you will never feel safe from his possible betrayal, and if you disobey him, his heart will be
filled with hatred towards you.
"Be careful, O my daughter, of showing joy in front of him when he is upset, and do not show sorrow in front of him when he is happy, because the former shows a lack of judgment whilst the latter will make him unhappy.
Articles
From Jamharah Khutah al-'Arab, 1/145
Zawaj.com Editor's Note: The speech that forms the main content of this article is over 1400 years old, from the pre-Islamic period. The advice in the article is certainly out of date and one-sided, but there is much wisdom here if you look it as mutual advice for how the husband and wife should treat each other. So both partners should serve one another, please one another, protect one another, etc.
Abd al-Malik (Radiyallaahu 'anhaa) said: "When ‘Awf ibn Muhallim al-Shaybani, one of the most highly respected leaders of the Arab nobility during the jahiliyyah, married his daughter Umm Iyas to al-Harith ibn ‘Amr al-Kindi, as she was made ready to be taken to the groom, her mother, Umamah came into her room to advise her and said:
"O my daughter, if it were deemed unnecessary to give you this advice because of good manners and noble descent, then it would have been unnecessary for you, because you posses these qualities, but it will serve as a reminder to those who are forgetful, and will help those who are wise.
"O my daughter, if a woman were able to do without a husband by virtue of her father's wealth and her need for her father, then you of all people would be most able to do without a husband, but women were created for men just as men were created for them.
"O my daughter, you are about to leave the home in which you grew up, where you first learned to walk, to go to a place you do not know, to a companion to whom you are unfamiliar. By marrying you, he has become a master over you, so be like a servant to him, and he will become like a servant to you.
"Take from me ten qualities, which will be a provision and a reminder for you:
"The first and second of them are: be content in his company, and listen to and obey him, for contentment brings peace of mind, and listening to and obeying one's husband pleases Allah.
"The third and fourth of them are: make sure that you smell good and look good; he should not see anything ugly in you, and he should not smell anything but a pleasant smell from you. Kohl is the best kind of beautification to be
found, and water is better than the rarest perfume.
"The fifth and sixth of them are: prepare his food on time, and keep quiet when he is asleep, for raging hunger is like a burning flame, and disturbing his sleep will make him angry.
"The seventh and eight of them are: take care of his servants (or employees) and children, and take care of his wealth, for taking care of his wealth shows that you appreciate him, and taking care of his children and servants shows good management.
"The ninth and tenth of them are: never disclose any of his secrets, and never disobey any of his orders, for if you disclose any of his secrets you will never feel safe from his possible betrayal, and if you disobey him, his heart will be
filled with hatred towards you.
"Be careful, O my daughter, of showing joy in front of him when he is upset, and do not show sorrow in front of him when he is happy, because the former shows a lack of judgment whilst the latter will make him unhappy.
Articles
Monday, January 12, 2009
Friday, December 12, 2008
Tips to a Better Marriage
"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among
yourselves that you may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has
put love and mercy between your (hearts). Verily in that are Signs for
those who reflect" (30: 21).
I have listed some rules that may benefit those seeking an Islamic
marriage, as well as, those who are already married. I do not pretend
to be an expert of any kind. I have learned what I know through
marrying at the early age of 18, just 9 months after em bracing
Islam. I muddled my way through much of my 14 years of marriage, and
consider myself a graduate from the 'school of hard knocks'. The rules
are:
1. Be conscious of your physical appearance. No one was more conscious
of this than the Prophet. His Sulmah reflects keen attention to
personal hygiene and good grooming. He kept himself strong and
muscular. Most likely the first aspect of you that attracted your mate
was your appearance, so don't think that simply because you are
married the task is over. You can't hide a weight problem under
Thawbs' (dress) and long Khimars' (veils). Your mate knows. Be aware
that you live in a society that places a high premium on physical
appearance. It flaunts the shapely female and her muscular
counterpart. Temptations that beckon non-Muslims beckon Muslims as
well. Don 't allow your mate to get side-tracked by the likes of a
'Raquel Welch or an Arnold Schwarzenegger'. Jog, join a gym, roller
skate, swim and stay in shape. Insha' Allah, you will be more vibrant,
more radiant, and more attractive to your mate.
2. Be aware of your role, but do not fall into role- playing. Muslim
spouses sometimes experience difficulties because they are trying to
do things 'by the book' without giving due consideration to the
conditions prevailing in their country. For example, most female
converts are taught that the role of the Muslim woman is to be at home
raising her children. Supposedly, it is the man who works outside the
home to maintain the family. She may have read about Birth Control and
assumed that it has no place for the Muslimah; yet, it is worth noting
that the Prophet himself allowed coitus interruptus. If ideal Islamic
conditions prevailed, there would be no reason for a sister to worry
about her financial situation interfering with her right to bear
children. However, without an Islamic society, needy Muslim families
may have to resort to welfare and food stamps rather than Zakaah and
Sadaqah. This creates a feeling of dependence and humiliation that can
place extreme stress on a marriage. In this ease, it may be helpful
for the Muslim couple to delay having children, for the wife to work
while the children are young and until the couple 's financial
situation improves. Islam gives you this flexibility. Don't be afraid
or ashamed to use it.
3. Be a companion to your mate. Try to show enthusiasm for your spouse
's interests and hobbies. It is well-known that the Prophet would run
races with 'Ayesha. By all means try to involve your mate in your
interests.
4. Be active in Islamic community life. This will strengthen your
commitment to Islam while providing you wish a wholesome social
outlet. Encourage your spouse to engage in activities that promote
Islam. Have dinners at your home for Muslims as well as non-Muslims,
and don't neglect your relatives. These activities will indirectly
enhance the quality of your marriage through widening your circle of
activity and con~ac~s.
5. Admit your mistakes and have a forgiving, generous attitude when
your mate errs. This country is a difficult place to live in. Most
Muslims fall short of the Islamic ideal. Contradictions abound. Be
quick to admit your shortcomings and work to amend them. Be
understanding when your mate does not live up to the Islamic ideal and
gently try to motivate him or her in the right direction.
6. Have a sense of humour. Be able to chuckle at life's minor
aggravations.
7. Be modest when around members of the opposite sex. Do not try to
test your spouse's affection by feigning interest in another. This
will only cause dissension and bad feelings.
8. Share household duties. Brothers, take note. This is especially
important these days when women work outside the home. The Prophet
always helped his wives around the house and even mended his own
clothes. Who knows? You might find you actually like preparing the
evening meal or taking care of junior so your wife can have the
afternoon off. The Messenger of Allah said, "The most perfect of the
believers in faith is the best of them in moral excellence, and the
best of you are the kindest of you to their wives" (at-Tirmidhi).
9. Surprise each other with gifts. Treat her to an evening out alone,
away from the children. There are no words to describe the lift this
can give to a marriage.
10. Communicate your feelings to one another, good and bad. Tell him
how handsome he looks. Where there is disagreement, have an open
discussion. Don ' t collect red stamps. Nip it in the bud .
11. Live within your means. Stay away from credit cards if you can.
Sisters, take note. Don't envy the possessions of your friends, and
belittle your husband because he can't provide them for you. Muslim
couples will do well to stay away from ostentatious living. The
Prophet did not live this way, neither should you.
12. Respect your mate's need for privacy. A quiet time to oneself,
either at home or away from home, each day can make a disagreeable
person agreeable.
13. Don 't share personal problems with others. There are a few
exceptions to this rule, but if you must discuss personal problems,
make sure it is with a person in whom you have the utmost confidence.
If you have a learned Muslim brother or sister in your community, seek
him or her out first.
14. Be sensitive to your mate's moods. If you want to share a personal
achievement, don't do it when your spouse is 'down in the dumps ' .
Wait for the proper time.
You may be saying to yourself, "This is
easier said than done." Well, you're right. A successful marriage
doesn't just happen. It's not simply a matter of luck or finding the
right person. It takes hard work and determination. It means being
selfless and making mistakes. It means having vengeance on your mind
but forgiveness in your heart. But, then, its perfection is "half of
faith".
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the
comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead
righteous. Qur'an 25:74
"The whole world is an asset and the best asset is a good
wife" (Muslim)
"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates
from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquillity
with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts).
Verily in that are Signs for those who reflect" (30: 21).
yourselves that you may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has
put love and mercy between your (hearts). Verily in that are Signs for
those who reflect" (30: 21).
I have listed some rules that may benefit those seeking an Islamic
marriage, as well as, those who are already married. I do not pretend
to be an expert of any kind. I have learned what I know through
marrying at the early age of 18, just 9 months after em bracing
Islam. I muddled my way through much of my 14 years of marriage, and
consider myself a graduate from the 'school of hard knocks'. The rules
are:
1. Be conscious of your physical appearance. No one was more conscious
of this than the Prophet. His Sulmah reflects keen attention to
personal hygiene and good grooming. He kept himself strong and
muscular. Most likely the first aspect of you that attracted your mate
was your appearance, so don't think that simply because you are
married the task is over. You can't hide a weight problem under
Thawbs' (dress) and long Khimars' (veils). Your mate knows. Be aware
that you live in a society that places a high premium on physical
appearance. It flaunts the shapely female and her muscular
counterpart. Temptations that beckon non-Muslims beckon Muslims as
well. Don 't allow your mate to get side-tracked by the likes of a
'Raquel Welch or an Arnold Schwarzenegger'. Jog, join a gym, roller
skate, swim and stay in shape. Insha' Allah, you will be more vibrant,
more radiant, and more attractive to your mate.
2. Be aware of your role, but do not fall into role- playing. Muslim
spouses sometimes experience difficulties because they are trying to
do things 'by the book' without giving due consideration to the
conditions prevailing in their country. For example, most female
converts are taught that the role of the Muslim woman is to be at home
raising her children. Supposedly, it is the man who works outside the
home to maintain the family. She may have read about Birth Control and
assumed that it has no place for the Muslimah; yet, it is worth noting
that the Prophet himself allowed coitus interruptus. If ideal Islamic
conditions prevailed, there would be no reason for a sister to worry
about her financial situation interfering with her right to bear
children. However, without an Islamic society, needy Muslim families
may have to resort to welfare and food stamps rather than Zakaah and
Sadaqah. This creates a feeling of dependence and humiliation that can
place extreme stress on a marriage. In this ease, it may be helpful
for the Muslim couple to delay having children, for the wife to work
while the children are young and until the couple 's financial
situation improves. Islam gives you this flexibility. Don't be afraid
or ashamed to use it.
3. Be a companion to your mate. Try to show enthusiasm for your spouse
's interests and hobbies. It is well-known that the Prophet would run
races with 'Ayesha. By all means try to involve your mate in your
interests.
4. Be active in Islamic community life. This will strengthen your
commitment to Islam while providing you wish a wholesome social
outlet. Encourage your spouse to engage in activities that promote
Islam. Have dinners at your home for Muslims as well as non-Muslims,
and don't neglect your relatives. These activities will indirectly
enhance the quality of your marriage through widening your circle of
activity and con~ac~s.
5. Admit your mistakes and have a forgiving, generous attitude when
your mate errs. This country is a difficult place to live in. Most
Muslims fall short of the Islamic ideal. Contradictions abound. Be
quick to admit your shortcomings and work to amend them. Be
understanding when your mate does not live up to the Islamic ideal and
gently try to motivate him or her in the right direction.
6. Have a sense of humour. Be able to chuckle at life's minor
aggravations.
7. Be modest when around members of the opposite sex. Do not try to
test your spouse's affection by feigning interest in another. This
will only cause dissension and bad feelings.
8. Share household duties. Brothers, take note. This is especially
important these days when women work outside the home. The Prophet
always helped his wives around the house and even mended his own
clothes. Who knows? You might find you actually like preparing the
evening meal or taking care of junior so your wife can have the
afternoon off. The Messenger of Allah said, "The most perfect of the
believers in faith is the best of them in moral excellence, and the
best of you are the kindest of you to their wives" (at-Tirmidhi).
9. Surprise each other with gifts. Treat her to an evening out alone,
away from the children. There are no words to describe the lift this
can give to a marriage.
10. Communicate your feelings to one another, good and bad. Tell him
how handsome he looks. Where there is disagreement, have an open
discussion. Don ' t collect red stamps. Nip it in the bud .
11. Live within your means. Stay away from credit cards if you can.
Sisters, take note. Don't envy the possessions of your friends, and
belittle your husband because he can't provide them for you. Muslim
couples will do well to stay away from ostentatious living. The
Prophet did not live this way, neither should you.
12. Respect your mate's need for privacy. A quiet time to oneself,
either at home or away from home, each day can make a disagreeable
person agreeable.
13. Don 't share personal problems with others. There are a few
exceptions to this rule, but if you must discuss personal problems,
make sure it is with a person in whom you have the utmost confidence.
If you have a learned Muslim brother or sister in your community, seek
him or her out first.
14. Be sensitive to your mate's moods. If you want to share a personal
achievement, don't do it when your spouse is 'down in the dumps ' .
Wait for the proper time.
You may be saying to yourself, "This is
easier said than done." Well, you're right. A successful marriage
doesn't just happen. It's not simply a matter of luck or finding the
right person. It takes hard work and determination. It means being
selfless and making mistakes. It means having vengeance on your mind
but forgiveness in your heart. But, then, its perfection is "half of
faith".
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the
comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead
righteous. Qur'an 25:74
"The whole world is an asset and the best asset is a good
wife" (Muslim)
"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates
from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquillity
with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts).
Verily in that are Signs for those who reflect" (30: 21).
MARRIAGE IN ISLAM.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Islam, unlike other religions is a strong advocate of marriage. There is no place for celibacy like, for example the Roman Catholic priests and nuns. The prophet (pbuh) has said "there is no celibacy in Islam.
Marriage is a religious duty and is consequently a moral safeguard as well as a social necessity. Islam does not equal celibacy with high "taqwa" / "Iman". The prophet has also said, "Marriage is my tradition who so ever keeps away there from is not from amongst me".
Marriage acts as an outlet for sexual needs and regulate it so one does not become a slave to his/ her desires.
It is a social necessity because through marriage, families are established and the family is the fundamental unit of our society. Furthermore, marriage is the only legitimate or halal way to indulge in intimacy between a man and a woman.
Islam takes a middle of the road position to sexual relations , it neither condemns it like certain religions, nor does it allow it freely. Islam urges us to control and regulate our desires, whatever they may be so that we remain dignified and not become like animals.
The purpose of Marriage.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
The word "zawj" is used in the Qur'an to mean a pair or a mate. In general it usage refers to marriage. The general purpose of marriage is that the sexes can provide company to one another, love to one another, procreate children and live in peace and tranquility to the commandments of Allah.
* Marriage serves as a means to emotional and sexual gratification and as a means of tension reduction. It is also a form of Ibadah because it is obeying Allah and his messenger - i.e. Marriage is seen as the only possible way for the sexes to unite. One could choose to live in sin, however by choosing marriage one is displaying obedience to Allah.
Marriage is "mithaq" - a solemn covenant (agreement). It is not a matter which can be taken lightly. It should be entered into with total commitment and full knowledge of what it involves. It is not like buying a new dress where you can exchange it if you don't like it. Your partner should be your choice for life. One should be mature enough to understand the demands of marriage so that the union can be a lasting one. For a marriage to be valid certain conditions must be met.
1) consent of both parties.
2) " Mahr" a gift from the groom to his bride.
3) Witnesses- 2 male or female.
4) The marriage should be publicized, it should never be kept secret as it leads to suspicion and troubles within the community.
Is Marriage obligatory?
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
According to Imams Abu Hanifah, Ahmad ibn Hanbal and Malik ibn Anas, marriage is recommendatory, however in certain individuals it becomes wajib/obligatory. Imam Shaafi'i considers it to be nafl or mubah (preferable). The general opinion is that if a person, male or female fears that if he/she does not marry they will commit fornication, then marriage becomes "wajib". If a person has strong sexual urges then it becomes "wajib" for that person to marry. Marriage should not be put off or delayed especially if one has the means to do so.
A man, however should not marry if he or she does not possess the means to maintain a wife and future family, or if he has no sex drive or if dislikes children, or if he feels marriage will seriously affect his religious obligation.
The general principle is that prophet (pbuh) enjoined up in the followers to marry.
He said "when a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion , so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half." This hadith is narrated by Anas. Islam greatly encourages marriage because it shields one from and upholds the family unit which Islam places great importance.
Selection of a partner:
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
The choice of a partner should be the one with the most "taqwa" (piety). The prophet recommended the suitors see each other before going through with marriage. It is unreasonable for two people to be thrown together and be expected to relate and be intimate when they know nothing of each other. The couple are permitted to look at each other with a critical eye and not a lustful one. This ruling does not contradict the ayah which says that believing men and women should lower their gaze.
- The couple, however are not permitted to be alone in a closed room or go out together alone. As the hadith says "when a man and a woman are together alone, there is a third presence i.e. shaitan.
- There is no concept of courtship in Islam as it is practised in the west. There is no dating or living in defacto relationship or trying each other out before they commit to each other seriously. There is to be no physical relationship what so ever before marriage. The romantic notions that young people often have, have proven in most cases to be unrealistic and harmful to those involved. We only have to look at the alarming divorce rate in the west to understand this point. e.g. the couple know each other for years, are intimate, live together and so on yet somehow this does not guarantee the success of the future marriage. Romance and love simply do not equal a everlasting bond between two people.
Fact: Romance and love die out very quickly when we have to deal in the real world. The unrealistic expectations that young people have is what often contributes to the failure of their relationship.
- The west make fun of the Islamic way of marriage in particular arranged marriage, yet the irony is that statistically arranged marriages prove to be more successful and lasting than romantic types of courtship.
This is because people are blinded by the physical attraction and thus do not choose the compatible partner.
Love blinds people to potential problems in the relationship. There is an Arabic saying: which says "the mirror of love is blind, it makes zucchini into okra". Arranged marriages on the other hand, are based not on physical attraction or romantic notions but rather on critical evaluation of the compatibility of the couple.
This is why they often prove successful.
Consent of parties.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
There is a halal arranged marriage and a haram one. It is OK to arrange marriages by suggestion and recommendation as long as both parties are agreeable. The other arranged marriage is when parents choose the future spouse and the couple concerned are forced or have no choice in the matter.
One of the conditions of a valid marriage is consent of the couple.
Marriage by definition is a voluntary union of two people.
The choice of a partner by a Muslim virgin girl is subject to the approval of the father or guardian under Maliki school. This is to safeguard her welfare and interests. The prophet said "the widow and the divorced woman shall not be married until she has consented and the virgin shall not be married until her consent is obtained. The prophet did revoke the marriage of a girl who complained to him that her father had married her against her wishes.
The husband/wife relationship.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
-The wifes rights - the Husbands obligations.
(1) Maintenance
The husband is responsible for the wifes maintenance. This right is established by authority of the Qur'an and the sunnah. It is inconsequen tial whether the wife is a Muslim , non-Muslim, rich, poor, healthy or sick. A component of his role as "qawam" (leader) is to bear the financial responsibility of the family in a generous way so that his wife may be assured security and thus perform her role devotedly.
The wifes maintenance entails her right to lodging, clothing, food and general care, like medication, hospital bills etc. He must lodge her where he resides himself according to his means. The wifes lodge must be adequate so as to ensure her privacy, comfort and independence.
If a wife has been used to a maid or is unable to attend to her household duties, it is the husbands duty to provide her with a maid if he can afford to do so. The prophet is reported to have said: The best Muslim is one who is the best husband.
(2) "Mahr "
The wife is entitled to a marriage gift that is her own. This may be prompt or deferred depending on the agreement between the parties. A marriage is not valid without mahr. It does not have to be money or gold. It can be non-material like teaching her to read the Qur'an. " Mahr" is a gift from the groom to the bride. This is the Islamic law, unlike some cultures whereby the brides parents pay the future husband to marry the daughter. This practice degrades women and is contrary to the spirit of Islam. There is no specification in the Qur'an as to what or how much the Mahr has to be. It depends on the parties involved.
(3) Non-material rights.
A husband is commanded by the law of Allah to treat his wife with equity, respect her feelings and show kindness and consideration, especially if he has another wife. The prophet last sermon stresses kindness to women.
The wife obligations - the Husbands rights.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
One of the main duties of the wife is to contribute to the success and blissfulness of the marriage. She must be attentive to the comfort and wellbeing of her husband. The Qur'anic ayah which illustrates this point is:
"Our lord, grant us wives and offspring who will be the apples of our eyes and guide us to be models for the righteous"
The wife must be faithful, trustworthy and honest she must not deceive her husband by deliberately avoiding contraception. She must not allow any other person to have access to that which is exclusively the husband right i.e. sexual intimacy. She must not receive or entertain strange males in the house without his knowledge and consent. She should not be alone with a strange male. She should not accept gifts from other men without his approval. This is meant to avoid jealousy, suspicion and gossip. The husband possessions are her trust. She may not dispose of his belongings without his permission.
A wife should make herself sexually attractive to her husband and be responsive to his advances. The wife must not refuse her husband sexually as this can lead to marital problems and worse still - tempt the man to adultery. The husband of course should take into account the wifes health and general consideration should be given.
Obedience.
^^^^^^^^^
The purpose of obedience in the relationship is to keep the family unit running as smoothly as possible. The man has been given the right to be obeyed because he is the leader and not because he is superior. If a leader is not obeyed , his leadership will become invalid -Imagine a king or a teacher or a parent without the necessary authority which has been entrusted to them.
Obedience does not mean blind obedience. It is subject to conditions:
(a) It is required only if what is asked from the wife is within the permissible categories of action.
(b) It must be maintained only with regard to matters that fall under the husband rights.
Islam, unlike other religions is a strong advocate of marriage. There is no place for celibacy like, for example the Roman Catholic priests and nuns. The prophet (pbuh) has said "there is no celibacy in Islam.
Marriage is a religious duty and is consequently a moral safeguard as well as a social necessity. Islam does not equal celibacy with high "taqwa" / "Iman". The prophet has also said, "Marriage is my tradition who so ever keeps away there from is not from amongst me".
Marriage acts as an outlet for sexual needs and regulate it so one does not become a slave to his/ her desires.
It is a social necessity because through marriage, families are established and the family is the fundamental unit of our society. Furthermore, marriage is the only legitimate or halal way to indulge in intimacy between a man and a woman.
Islam takes a middle of the road position to sexual relations , it neither condemns it like certain religions, nor does it allow it freely. Islam urges us to control and regulate our desires, whatever they may be so that we remain dignified and not become like animals.
The purpose of Marriage.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
The word "zawj" is used in the Qur'an to mean a pair or a mate. In general it usage refers to marriage. The general purpose of marriage is that the sexes can provide company to one another, love to one another, procreate children and live in peace and tranquility to the commandments of Allah.
* Marriage serves as a means to emotional and sexual gratification and as a means of tension reduction. It is also a form of Ibadah because it is obeying Allah and his messenger - i.e. Marriage is seen as the only possible way for the sexes to unite. One could choose to live in sin, however by choosing marriage one is displaying obedience to Allah.
Marriage is "mithaq" - a solemn covenant (agreement). It is not a matter which can be taken lightly. It should be entered into with total commitment and full knowledge of what it involves. It is not like buying a new dress where you can exchange it if you don't like it. Your partner should be your choice for life. One should be mature enough to understand the demands of marriage so that the union can be a lasting one. For a marriage to be valid certain conditions must be met.
1) consent of both parties.
2) " Mahr" a gift from the groom to his bride.
3) Witnesses- 2 male or female.
4) The marriage should be publicized, it should never be kept secret as it leads to suspicion and troubles within the community.
Is Marriage obligatory?
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
According to Imams Abu Hanifah, Ahmad ibn Hanbal and Malik ibn Anas, marriage is recommendatory, however in certain individuals it becomes wajib/obligatory. Imam Shaafi'i considers it to be nafl or mubah (preferable). The general opinion is that if a person, male or female fears that if he/she does not marry they will commit fornication, then marriage becomes "wajib". If a person has strong sexual urges then it becomes "wajib" for that person to marry. Marriage should not be put off or delayed especially if one has the means to do so.
A man, however should not marry if he or she does not possess the means to maintain a wife and future family, or if he has no sex drive or if dislikes children, or if he feels marriage will seriously affect his religious obligation.
The general principle is that prophet (pbuh) enjoined up in the followers to marry.
He said "when a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion , so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half." This hadith is narrated by Anas. Islam greatly encourages marriage because it shields one from and upholds the family unit which Islam places great importance.
Selection of a partner:
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
The choice of a partner should be the one with the most "taqwa" (piety). The prophet recommended the suitors see each other before going through with marriage. It is unreasonable for two people to be thrown together and be expected to relate and be intimate when they know nothing of each other. The couple are permitted to look at each other with a critical eye and not a lustful one. This ruling does not contradict the ayah which says that believing men and women should lower their gaze.
- The couple, however are not permitted to be alone in a closed room or go out together alone. As the hadith says "when a man and a woman are together alone, there is a third presence i.e. shaitan.
- There is no concept of courtship in Islam as it is practised in the west. There is no dating or living in defacto relationship or trying each other out before they commit to each other seriously. There is to be no physical relationship what so ever before marriage. The romantic notions that young people often have, have proven in most cases to be unrealistic and harmful to those involved. We only have to look at the alarming divorce rate in the west to understand this point. e.g. the couple know each other for years, are intimate, live together and so on yet somehow this does not guarantee the success of the future marriage. Romance and love simply do not equal a everlasting bond between two people.
Fact: Romance and love die out very quickly when we have to deal in the real world. The unrealistic expectations that young people have is what often contributes to the failure of their relationship.
- The west make fun of the Islamic way of marriage in particular arranged marriage, yet the irony is that statistically arranged marriages prove to be more successful and lasting than romantic types of courtship.
This is because people are blinded by the physical attraction and thus do not choose the compatible partner.
Love blinds people to potential problems in the relationship. There is an Arabic saying: which says "the mirror of love is blind, it makes zucchini into okra". Arranged marriages on the other hand, are based not on physical attraction or romantic notions but rather on critical evaluation of the compatibility of the couple.
This is why they often prove successful.
Consent of parties.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
There is a halal arranged marriage and a haram one. It is OK to arrange marriages by suggestion and recommendation as long as both parties are agreeable. The other arranged marriage is when parents choose the future spouse and the couple concerned are forced or have no choice in the matter.
One of the conditions of a valid marriage is consent of the couple.
Marriage by definition is a voluntary union of two people.
The choice of a partner by a Muslim virgin girl is subject to the approval of the father or guardian under Maliki school. This is to safeguard her welfare and interests. The prophet said "the widow and the divorced woman shall not be married until she has consented and the virgin shall not be married until her consent is obtained. The prophet did revoke the marriage of a girl who complained to him that her father had married her against her wishes.
The husband/wife relationship.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
-The wifes rights - the Husbands obligations.
(1) Maintenance
The husband is responsible for the wifes maintenance. This right is established by authority of the Qur'an and the sunnah. It is inconsequen tial whether the wife is a Muslim , non-Muslim, rich, poor, healthy or sick. A component of his role as "qawam" (leader) is to bear the financial responsibility of the family in a generous way so that his wife may be assured security and thus perform her role devotedly.
The wifes maintenance entails her right to lodging, clothing, food and general care, like medication, hospital bills etc. He must lodge her where he resides himself according to his means. The wifes lodge must be adequate so as to ensure her privacy, comfort and independence.
If a wife has been used to a maid or is unable to attend to her household duties, it is the husbands duty to provide her with a maid if he can afford to do so. The prophet is reported to have said: The best Muslim is one who is the best husband.
(2) "Mahr "
The wife is entitled to a marriage gift that is her own. This may be prompt or deferred depending on the agreement between the parties. A marriage is not valid without mahr. It does not have to be money or gold. It can be non-material like teaching her to read the Qur'an. " Mahr" is a gift from the groom to the bride. This is the Islamic law, unlike some cultures whereby the brides parents pay the future husband to marry the daughter. This practice degrades women and is contrary to the spirit of Islam. There is no specification in the Qur'an as to what or how much the Mahr has to be. It depends on the parties involved.
(3) Non-material rights.
A husband is commanded by the law of Allah to treat his wife with equity, respect her feelings and show kindness and consideration, especially if he has another wife. The prophet last sermon stresses kindness to women.
The wife obligations - the Husbands rights.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
One of the main duties of the wife is to contribute to the success and blissfulness of the marriage. She must be attentive to the comfort and wellbeing of her husband. The Qur'anic ayah which illustrates this point is:
"Our lord, grant us wives and offspring who will be the apples of our eyes and guide us to be models for the righteous"
The wife must be faithful, trustworthy and honest she must not deceive her husband by deliberately avoiding contraception. She must not allow any other person to have access to that which is exclusively the husband right i.e. sexual intimacy. She must not receive or entertain strange males in the house without his knowledge and consent. She should not be alone with a strange male. She should not accept gifts from other men without his approval. This is meant to avoid jealousy, suspicion and gossip. The husband possessions are her trust. She may not dispose of his belongings without his permission.
A wife should make herself sexually attractive to her husband and be responsive to his advances. The wife must not refuse her husband sexually as this can lead to marital problems and worse still - tempt the man to adultery. The husband of course should take into account the wifes health and general consideration should be given.
Obedience.
^^^^^^^^^
The purpose of obedience in the relationship is to keep the family unit running as smoothly as possible. The man has been given the right to be obeyed because he is the leader and not because he is superior. If a leader is not obeyed , his leadership will become invalid -Imagine a king or a teacher or a parent without the necessary authority which has been entrusted to them.
Obedience does not mean blind obedience. It is subject to conditions:
(a) It is required only if what is asked from the wife is within the permissible categories of action.
(b) It must be maintained only with regard to matters that fall under the husband rights.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
THE IMPORTANCE OF SALAT (PRAYER) IN THE LIFE OF A MUSLIM
The scrupulousness which a believer displays towards his religious observance makes his faith apparent. He enthusiastically establishes salat, fasts and performs ritual washing made compulsory by Allah throughout the course of his life. Allah has described sincere Muslims' enthusiasm for religious observances in many verses. One of these reads:
Those who are steadfast in seeking the face of their Lord, and establish salat and give from the provision We have given them, secretly and openly, and stave off evil with good, it is they who will have the ultimate Abode. (Surat ar-Ra'd, 22)
The salat is a religious observance that believers are commanded to perform throughout the course of their lives, the times of which have been stipulated. Human beings are prone to forgetfulness and heedlessness. If they fail to use their will and become caught up in the flow of daily life, they move away from subjects to which they should actually turn their attention and cling to. They forget that Allah enfolds and surrounds them in all ways, that He sees and hears them at every moment, that they will have to account to Allah for all they do; they forget death, the existence of Paradise and Hell, that nothing can happen that is not destined, and that there is something auspicious in everything and every event. By falling into heedlessness they can forget the true purpose of life.
The salat performed five times a day eradicates that forgetfulness and heedlessness, and keeps the believer's will and awareness alive. It ensures that the believer constantly turns to Allah and assists him in living in the light of our Lord's commandments. The believer who stands in the presence of Allah in order to pray establishes a powerful spiritual bond with our Lord. It is revealed in one verse that the salat reminds people of Allah and keeps them from all forms of evil:
Recite what has been revealed to you of the Book and establish salat. Salat precludes indecency and wrongdoing. And remembrance of Allah is greater still. Allah knows what you do. (Surat al-'Ankabut, 45)
Throughout history the prophets have communicated the salat made compulsory by Allah to their respective peoples, and have been role models for all believers by abiding by this observance in the best and most correct manner. Some verses on this subject read:
- For Prophet Ibrahim (as):
[Ibrahim said:] "My Lord! Make me and my descendants people who establish salat. My Lord! Accept my prayer." (Surah Ibrahim, 40)
- For Prophet Isma'il (as):
Mention Isma'il in the Book. He was true to his promise and was a messenger and a prophet. He used to command his people to do salat and give the alms and he was pleasing to his Lord. (Surah Maryam, 54-55)
- For Prophet Musa (as):
I am Allah. There is no god but Me, so worship Me and establish salat to remember Me. (Surah Ta Ha, 14)
- For Prophet Isa (as):
He said: "I am the servant of Allah, He has given me the Book and made me a prophet. He has made me blessed wherever I am and directed me to do salat and give the alms as long as I live." (Surah Maryam, 30-31)
- Maryam, depicted as a role model for all women, was also commanded to establish salat:
Maryam, obey your Lord and prostrate and bow with those who bow. (Surah al 'Imran, 43)
At what times has the salat been made obligatory?
In the Qur'an it is revealed that the times of the salat have been set out for believers as a religious observance:
When you have finished salat remember Allah standing, sitting and lying on your sides. When you are safe again do salat in the normal way. The salat is prescribed for the believers at specific times. (Surat an-Nisa', 103)
The timings of the salat are "dawn," "noon," "afternoon," "evening," and "late evening." The salat timings are clearly set out in several verses of the Qur'an. Some of these verses read:
So be steadfast in the face of what they say and glorify your Lord with praise before the rising of the Sun and before its setting. And glorify Him during part of the night and at both ends of the day, so that hopefully you will be pleased. (Surah Ta Ha, 130)
So glory be to Allah when you start the night and when you greet the day. Praise be to Him in the heavens and the Earth, in the afternoon and when you reach midday. (Surat ar-Rum, 17-18)
Our Prophet (saas) who, by the revelation and inspiration of Allah, best understood and interpreted the Qur'an, described for believers the times of day when the five salat prayers begin and finish. One of the best known hadith in which the timings of the salat are set out is that narrated by Jarir ibn 'Abdullah:
The angel Gabriel came to the Messenger of Allah and said to him, "Stand and pray," and they prayed the noon prayer when the sun had passed its meridian. He then came to him for the afternoon prayer and said, "Stand and pray," and they prayed the afternoon prayer while the length of a shadow of something was similar to the length of the object. Then he came at sunset and said, "Stand and pray," and they prayed the sunset prayer when the sun had just disappeared. Then he came at night and said, "Stand and pray," and they prayed the night prayer when the twilight had disappeared. He came again when dawn broke (and they prayed the morning prayer). Then Gabriel came on the next day at noon and said (to the Messenger of Allah), "Stand and pray," and they prayed the noon prayer when the length of the shadow of something was close to the length of the object. Then he came for the afternoon prayer and said, "Stand and pray," and they prayed when the shadow of something was twice as long as the length of the object. Then he came at the same time (as the previous day) for the sunset prayer, without any change. Then he came for the night prayer after half of the night had passed ("or," he said, "one-third of the night"). Then he came when the sky was very yellow and said, "Stand and pray," and they prayed the morning prayer. Then Gabriel said, "Between these times are the times for the prayers."
Establishing salat in awe means performing this religious observance in the presence of our Almighty Lord by feeling His might and grandeur, with fear and respect. A believer who wishes to properly fulfill this obligation must take measures against everything that might prevent this awed awareness and display the maximum scrupulousness to ensure the concentration and attention required in salat.
The correct performance of these prayers is a great opportunity to remember our Lord, praise Him, and worship Him as one god in the knowledge He is free of all imperfections. Indeed, in one verse Allah commands to do salat in order to remember Him:
I am Allah. There is no god but Me, so worship Me and establish salat to remember Me. (Surah Ta Ha, 14)
Those who are steadfast in seeking the face of their Lord, and establish salat and give from the provision We have given them, secretly and openly, and stave off evil with good, it is they who will have the ultimate Abode. (Surat ar-Ra'd, 22)
The salat is a religious observance that believers are commanded to perform throughout the course of their lives, the times of which have been stipulated. Human beings are prone to forgetfulness and heedlessness. If they fail to use their will and become caught up in the flow of daily life, they move away from subjects to which they should actually turn their attention and cling to. They forget that Allah enfolds and surrounds them in all ways, that He sees and hears them at every moment, that they will have to account to Allah for all they do; they forget death, the existence of Paradise and Hell, that nothing can happen that is not destined, and that there is something auspicious in everything and every event. By falling into heedlessness they can forget the true purpose of life.
The salat performed five times a day eradicates that forgetfulness and heedlessness, and keeps the believer's will and awareness alive. It ensures that the believer constantly turns to Allah and assists him in living in the light of our Lord's commandments. The believer who stands in the presence of Allah in order to pray establishes a powerful spiritual bond with our Lord. It is revealed in one verse that the salat reminds people of Allah and keeps them from all forms of evil:
Recite what has been revealed to you of the Book and establish salat. Salat precludes indecency and wrongdoing. And remembrance of Allah is greater still. Allah knows what you do. (Surat al-'Ankabut, 45)
Throughout history the prophets have communicated the salat made compulsory by Allah to their respective peoples, and have been role models for all believers by abiding by this observance in the best and most correct manner. Some verses on this subject read:
- For Prophet Ibrahim (as):
[Ibrahim said:] "My Lord! Make me and my descendants people who establish salat. My Lord! Accept my prayer." (Surah Ibrahim, 40)
- For Prophet Isma'il (as):
Mention Isma'il in the Book. He was true to his promise and was a messenger and a prophet. He used to command his people to do salat and give the alms and he was pleasing to his Lord. (Surah Maryam, 54-55)
- For Prophet Musa (as):
I am Allah. There is no god but Me, so worship Me and establish salat to remember Me. (Surah Ta Ha, 14)
- For Prophet Isa (as):
He said: "I am the servant of Allah, He has given me the Book and made me a prophet. He has made me blessed wherever I am and directed me to do salat and give the alms as long as I live." (Surah Maryam, 30-31)
- Maryam, depicted as a role model for all women, was also commanded to establish salat:
Maryam, obey your Lord and prostrate and bow with those who bow. (Surah al 'Imran, 43)
At what times has the salat been made obligatory?
In the Qur'an it is revealed that the times of the salat have been set out for believers as a religious observance:
When you have finished salat remember Allah standing, sitting and lying on your sides. When you are safe again do salat in the normal way. The salat is prescribed for the believers at specific times. (Surat an-Nisa', 103)
The timings of the salat are "dawn," "noon," "afternoon," "evening," and "late evening." The salat timings are clearly set out in several verses of the Qur'an. Some of these verses read:
So be steadfast in the face of what they say and glorify your Lord with praise before the rising of the Sun and before its setting. And glorify Him during part of the night and at both ends of the day, so that hopefully you will be pleased. (Surah Ta Ha, 130)
So glory be to Allah when you start the night and when you greet the day. Praise be to Him in the heavens and the Earth, in the afternoon and when you reach midday. (Surat ar-Rum, 17-18)
Our Prophet (saas) who, by the revelation and inspiration of Allah, best understood and interpreted the Qur'an, described for believers the times of day when the five salat prayers begin and finish. One of the best known hadith in which the timings of the salat are set out is that narrated by Jarir ibn 'Abdullah:
The angel Gabriel came to the Messenger of Allah and said to him, "Stand and pray," and they prayed the noon prayer when the sun had passed its meridian. He then came to him for the afternoon prayer and said, "Stand and pray," and they prayed the afternoon prayer while the length of a shadow of something was similar to the length of the object. Then he came at sunset and said, "Stand and pray," and they prayed the sunset prayer when the sun had just disappeared. Then he came at night and said, "Stand and pray," and they prayed the night prayer when the twilight had disappeared. He came again when dawn broke (and they prayed the morning prayer). Then Gabriel came on the next day at noon and said (to the Messenger of Allah), "Stand and pray," and they prayed the noon prayer when the length of the shadow of something was close to the length of the object. Then he came for the afternoon prayer and said, "Stand and pray," and they prayed when the shadow of something was twice as long as the length of the object. Then he came at the same time (as the previous day) for the sunset prayer, without any change. Then he came for the night prayer after half of the night had passed ("or," he said, "one-third of the night"). Then he came when the sky was very yellow and said, "Stand and pray," and they prayed the morning prayer. Then Gabriel said, "Between these times are the times for the prayers."
Establishing salat in awe means performing this religious observance in the presence of our Almighty Lord by feeling His might and grandeur, with fear and respect. A believer who wishes to properly fulfill this obligation must take measures against everything that might prevent this awed awareness and display the maximum scrupulousness to ensure the concentration and attention required in salat.
The correct performance of these prayers is a great opportunity to remember our Lord, praise Him, and worship Him as one god in the knowledge He is free of all imperfections. Indeed, in one verse Allah commands to do salat in order to remember Him:
I am Allah. There is no god but Me, so worship Me and establish salat to remember Me. (Surah Ta Ha, 14)
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Education of Muslims in Kentucky Prisons
ABSTRACT
Education is the birth right of every Muslim and Muslimah. Islam puts considerable emphasis on its followers to acquire knowledge. Investment in education is the best investment one can make, because it eventually leads to intellectual property. Intellectual property is the intangible property, which no one can steal or destroy. It was as a result of application of knowledge that Muslims were the superpower of the world for twelve centuries.
Today, globally Muslims have the lowest literacy rate. Hence it is no surprise that the literacy rate among the Muslims who are incarcerated is very low. Those Muslim inmates in the Kentucky prison system are no exception. It is a serious task to educate our Muslim brothers and sisters in Kentucky Prisons. This is a formidable task. The main source of Islamic knowledge they acquire is through Jumuah Khutbahs delivered by volunteer Imams or volunteer educated Muslims.
The incarcerated Muslim brothers and sisters want to acquire Islamic education. They are very sincere in their intentions and goals to acquire Islamic knowledge. The vast majority of the Muslims in the Kentucky prison system would like to acquire Islamic knowledge through the study of Qur'an, Arabic, Hadith, Sunnah, Seerah, Fiqh, Islamic history, and allied subjects. In many Kentucky Prisons the Muslims have allotted days and times for acquiring the Deeni or Islamic education. Unfortunately there are no teachers, paid Imams or even volunteer teachers or volunteers Imams available to meet the acute need of the Muslim brothers and sisters who are striving hard to acquire the knowledge of their Deen. In almost every prison the Muslim inmates have established a small library containing copies of Qur'an, Hadith, Fiqh us Sunnah, and some books on Islam. They also have acquired videocassettes on Islam, particularly those of Shaikh Ahmed Deedat.
This paper seeks solutions for this acute condition in the Kentucky prison system, including the drafting of Tabligh Jamat followers to do Da'wah in the prisons free will, instead of doing in the free stranding Masajids.
The Prophet (S) encouraged the literacy among Muslims.
The prisoners of war that were captured in the Battle of Badr,
Were released by the Prophet (S) on one condition: That each
One of the prisoners was supposed to teach 10 Muslim children,
To read and write.
The situation in the State of Kentucky is very bleak with regard to Da'wah work in prisons. There are no paid Muslim Chaplains or Imams in the State of Kentucky. The Da'wah work is done mostly by volunteer educated Muslims or Imams. As it is a voluntary job, there is no incentive on the part of the volunteers to visit the prisons regularly for doing Da'wah work or to give Deeni Taleem to the Muslim inmates in Kentucky prisons.
The education, particularly the Islamic education of Muslim inmates in Kentucky prisons can be achieved by one or more of the following methods:
Qur'anic correspondence course:
The Islamic Research Foundation, Inc. has a Qur'anic correspondence course consisting of 20 lessons. Each lesson varies with 12 to 24 pages. At the end of each lesson there is a 20-question quiz. A certificate will be awarded to those who have successfully completed the course. The passing grade is very high. A maximum of one or two questions can be answered wrongly. More than that the candidate has to repeat the whole course from the beginning.
It costs money to make copies of the Lessons, question papers, mailing, postage, etc. Due to lack of financial support and volunteers to handle the volume of mail, the Qur'anic correspondence course has not been popularized.
Tableegh Jamat
A number of brothers are volunteering their time, money and resources for the cause of Tableegh Jamat which is a party of Muslims for propagating the religion of Islam among the Muslims who are supposed to be derelict in their Islamic duties and responsibilities. Almost every Mosque or Islamic center is visited by Tableegh Jamats from within America or outside America coming from far off countries, such as India, Pakistan and Bangladesh. The Tableegh Jamat brothers take off from their homes for about 40 days or 4 months visiting the Masajids in different cities in North America, Central America, and South America. They also hold an annual Ijtemah in different cities in North America with a gathering of few thousands. Such annual gatherings are also held in India, Pakistan and Bangladesh. I believe they are an excellent source for the education of Muslim inmates in Kentucky prisons. As their mission is to revive Islam among the Muslims, the Muslim inmates in Kentucky prisons will be highly benefited.
Video Cassettes
Most of the prisons in Kentucky have the facilities to watch the videocassettes. Hence the small library of the Muslim inmates contains several video cassettes of famous Da'ees, such as Shaikh Ahmed Deedat, Shaikh Yusuf Hamza, Dr. Jamal Badawi, Imam Siraj Wahaj, Da'ee Yousuf Islam, etc. Videocassettes are an excellent for the education of Muslim inmates in Kentucky prisons. Videocassettes are an instrument in the audio/video educational curricula.
Audio Cassettes
There are several hundred if not thousand audio cassettes available in the market on varied topics covering many, many Islamic subjects, such as recitation of the Qur'an and its tafseer in English, Ahadeeth, Aqeeda, Fiqh us Sunnah, Fatwahs, Questions on Shariah, Arkanul Islam, etc. There are many audiocassettes devoted the Jumuah Khutbahs. Some others are the life experiences and reasons for revert to Islam of Yousuf Islam, Yusuf Hamza, Siraj Wahaj, Imam Warith Deen Muhammad, Sr. Assilini, and Dr. Amina McCloud.
Copies of Qur'an
Many Muslim publishes are selling copies of the Noble Qur'an at a cheap price when purchased in bulk volume like 100 copies. The cheap price comes at a price, the Qur'an copies contain only the English translation and no Arabic text. The copy of the Qur'an and English translation and commentary comes at a higher price. There are some Islamic organizations or Institutions which are willing to donate the copies of the Qur'an to the Muslim inmates.
Islamic Books
The Library of the Muslim inmates in Kentucky prisons have a few copies of the Noble Qur'an, a few copies of the Hadith, and some books covering different Islamic topics, such as the Yusuf al-Qardawi's most popular book " Lawful and Prohibited in Islamic Law" Maurice Bucaille's "The Bible, Qur'an and Science." Shaikh Ahmed Deedat's booklets: "Is the Bible God's Word?" "What the Bible says about Muhammad", " Resurrection or Resuscitation", "Crucifixion or Crucifiction".
Life Changing Books
In this category come books such as the Qur'an, Books on Seerah, particularly Haykal's "The Life of Muhammad." "Forty Hadith", Maurice Bucaille's "The Bible, Qur'an and Science." Etc. There are many booklets and books written by shaikh Ahmed Deedat published by the Islamic Propagation Center International, Durban, South Africa. They are also available from New York, Toronto and Bombay (Mumbai).
The following are the Specifically Religious Books-to-Prisoners Organizations:
American Muslim Foundation
1212 New York Ave, NW Suite 525
Washington, DC 20005
Islamic Center
22551 Massachusetts Avenue, NW
Washington, DC 20008
Free Koran (Qur'an) and study guides. Can send through Chaplain
Mostazafam Foundation Book Program
500 5th Ave., 34th Floor
New York, NY 10110
Free Koran (Qu'ran) for Muslim prisoners
* * *
Book Sold to Muslims in Prison at a Discount
Tahrike Tarsile Qur'an
P O Box 731115
Elmhurst, NY 11373-0115
TEL: (718) 446-6472
FAX: (718) 446-4370
http://www.koranusa.org
E-mail: ttq@n-site.com
The Muslim Reading Room
P O Box 1246
Champaign, IL 61824
Darul Kitab El Islami
Box 1653
Burlington, NJ 08016
Tel: (609) 261-5640
E-mail: darul-kitab@yahoo.com
Noor Foundation
P O Box 758
Hockessin, DE 19707
Tel: 1-888-937-2665
Dar-us-Salam Publications
P O Box 79194
Houston, TX 77043
Tel: (713) 722-0419
FAX: (713) 722-0431
www.dar-us-salam.com
Magazines
Magazines such as JUMUAH, ISLAMIC HORIZONS, FINAL CALL, MUSLIM JOURNAL, MESSAGE INTERNATIONAL, THE MINARET, CRESCENT INTERNATIONAL, and other magazines published in North America are very popular among the Muslin inmates and they read them with great enthusiasm.
Computer software and Internet
There are scores of computer software in the form of CD-ROM on many Islamic subjects. The most popular is the 'AALIM. Unfortunately PCs (Personal Computers) and Internet are not accessible to the Prison inmates at the present time. The Internet has hundreds of WEB pages on Islam. The most popular being, Islamicity, Ummah, Al-Islam, etc., etc.
Pen Pals
There is a need for pen pals who can write to the Muslim inmates answering their questions on Islam. The type of postal correspondence keep the minds of the Muslim inmates active at the same time they get educated on Islam.
Newsletter
There is a need for a Newsletter for all the Muslim inmates throughout the United States and Canada. At least one copy can be sent to each prison, which has Muslim inmates. The Newsletter is a good vehicle for Islamic Taleem and also with regard to imparting Islamic knowledge pertaining to food, hygiene, the five pillars of Islam, dates and times of Jumuah prayers and Eidains. It can also cover news items of Muslim inmates in the various prisons of America.
Ware House
There is a dire necessity of having a warehouse, which will act as a clearinghouse for supplying, Books, Videos, Audiocassettes, Printing and mailing Newsletters for the Muslim inmates throughout North America. The Muslim inmates can fill-up the required requisition form and the materials can be shipped to the Muslim Chaplains or Imams of the respective Prisons, which in turn can stock the library of the Muslim inmates. This warehouse can also supply Musallahs (prayer rugs) and Kufi caps, which are in great demand among the Muslims throughout America and Canada.
Taleem Classes
Taleem classes are didactic lectures on Islam, given by the Muslim Chaplain or an Imam. The Taleem classes can be scheduled as lessons, covering topics, such as Arabic, Aqeedah, Qur'an, Hadith, Fiqh us Sunnah, etc. In many Prisons, educated Muslim volunteers are giving Taleem classes. In many prisons a particular day such as Thursday and a particular time such as between Maghreeb and Isha prayers is allotted for Taleem classes. Although the Muslim inmates are keen and interested in obtaining the Deeni knowledge through the Taleem classes, the problem is the paucity of Islamic textbooks and teachers. The teacher must prepare for the class and also prepare one or more quizzes for each lesson, correct them and go over them.
TV and Radio Broadcasting
There are TV programs on Islam in large cities in America and Canada. For smaller cities they can be accessed through the Cable TV. However this facility is not accessible to the Muslim inmates.
There are also Radio Broadcasting Stations in large cities broadcasting programs on Islam. They also broadcast interviews of Islamic scholars covering many subjects that affect the lives of Muslims in America.
Education is the birth right of every Muslim and Muslimah. Islam puts considerable emphasis on its followers to acquire knowledge. Investment in education is the best investment one can make, because it eventually leads to intellectual property. Intellectual property is the intangible property, which no one can steal or destroy. It was as a result of application of knowledge that Muslims were the superpower of the world for twelve centuries.
Today, globally Muslims have the lowest literacy rate. Hence it is no surprise that the literacy rate among the Muslims who are incarcerated is very low. Those Muslim inmates in the Kentucky prison system are no exception. It is a serious task to educate our Muslim brothers and sisters in Kentucky Prisons. This is a formidable task. The main source of Islamic knowledge they acquire is through Jumuah Khutbahs delivered by volunteer Imams or volunteer educated Muslims.
The incarcerated Muslim brothers and sisters want to acquire Islamic education. They are very sincere in their intentions and goals to acquire Islamic knowledge. The vast majority of the Muslims in the Kentucky prison system would like to acquire Islamic knowledge through the study of Qur'an, Arabic, Hadith, Sunnah, Seerah, Fiqh, Islamic history, and allied subjects. In many Kentucky Prisons the Muslims have allotted days and times for acquiring the Deeni or Islamic education. Unfortunately there are no teachers, paid Imams or even volunteer teachers or volunteers Imams available to meet the acute need of the Muslim brothers and sisters who are striving hard to acquire the knowledge of their Deen. In almost every prison the Muslim inmates have established a small library containing copies of Qur'an, Hadith, Fiqh us Sunnah, and some books on Islam. They also have acquired videocassettes on Islam, particularly those of Shaikh Ahmed Deedat.
This paper seeks solutions for this acute condition in the Kentucky prison system, including the drafting of Tabligh Jamat followers to do Da'wah in the prisons free will, instead of doing in the free stranding Masajids.
The Prophet (S) encouraged the literacy among Muslims.
The prisoners of war that were captured in the Battle of Badr,
Were released by the Prophet (S) on one condition: That each
One of the prisoners was supposed to teach 10 Muslim children,
To read and write.
The situation in the State of Kentucky is very bleak with regard to Da'wah work in prisons. There are no paid Muslim Chaplains or Imams in the State of Kentucky. The Da'wah work is done mostly by volunteer educated Muslims or Imams. As it is a voluntary job, there is no incentive on the part of the volunteers to visit the prisons regularly for doing Da'wah work or to give Deeni Taleem to the Muslim inmates in Kentucky prisons.
The education, particularly the Islamic education of Muslim inmates in Kentucky prisons can be achieved by one or more of the following methods:
Qur'anic correspondence course:
The Islamic Research Foundation, Inc. has a Qur'anic correspondence course consisting of 20 lessons. Each lesson varies with 12 to 24 pages. At the end of each lesson there is a 20-question quiz. A certificate will be awarded to those who have successfully completed the course. The passing grade is very high. A maximum of one or two questions can be answered wrongly. More than that the candidate has to repeat the whole course from the beginning.
It costs money to make copies of the Lessons, question papers, mailing, postage, etc. Due to lack of financial support and volunteers to handle the volume of mail, the Qur'anic correspondence course has not been popularized.
Tableegh Jamat
A number of brothers are volunteering their time, money and resources for the cause of Tableegh Jamat which is a party of Muslims for propagating the religion of Islam among the Muslims who are supposed to be derelict in their Islamic duties and responsibilities. Almost every Mosque or Islamic center is visited by Tableegh Jamats from within America or outside America coming from far off countries, such as India, Pakistan and Bangladesh. The Tableegh Jamat brothers take off from their homes for about 40 days or 4 months visiting the Masajids in different cities in North America, Central America, and South America. They also hold an annual Ijtemah in different cities in North America with a gathering of few thousands. Such annual gatherings are also held in India, Pakistan and Bangladesh. I believe they are an excellent source for the education of Muslim inmates in Kentucky prisons. As their mission is to revive Islam among the Muslims, the Muslim inmates in Kentucky prisons will be highly benefited.
Video Cassettes
Most of the prisons in Kentucky have the facilities to watch the videocassettes. Hence the small library of the Muslim inmates contains several video cassettes of famous Da'ees, such as Shaikh Ahmed Deedat, Shaikh Yusuf Hamza, Dr. Jamal Badawi, Imam Siraj Wahaj, Da'ee Yousuf Islam, etc. Videocassettes are an excellent for the education of Muslim inmates in Kentucky prisons. Videocassettes are an instrument in the audio/video educational curricula.
Audio Cassettes
There are several hundred if not thousand audio cassettes available in the market on varied topics covering many, many Islamic subjects, such as recitation of the Qur'an and its tafseer in English, Ahadeeth, Aqeeda, Fiqh us Sunnah, Fatwahs, Questions on Shariah, Arkanul Islam, etc. There are many audiocassettes devoted the Jumuah Khutbahs. Some others are the life experiences and reasons for revert to Islam of Yousuf Islam, Yusuf Hamza, Siraj Wahaj, Imam Warith Deen Muhammad, Sr. Assilini, and Dr. Amina McCloud.
Copies of Qur'an
Many Muslim publishes are selling copies of the Noble Qur'an at a cheap price when purchased in bulk volume like 100 copies. The cheap price comes at a price, the Qur'an copies contain only the English translation and no Arabic text. The copy of the Qur'an and English translation and commentary comes at a higher price. There are some Islamic organizations or Institutions which are willing to donate the copies of the Qur'an to the Muslim inmates.
Islamic Books
The Library of the Muslim inmates in Kentucky prisons have a few copies of the Noble Qur'an, a few copies of the Hadith, and some books covering different Islamic topics, such as the Yusuf al-Qardawi's most popular book " Lawful and Prohibited in Islamic Law" Maurice Bucaille's "The Bible, Qur'an and Science." Shaikh Ahmed Deedat's booklets: "Is the Bible God's Word?" "What the Bible says about Muhammad", " Resurrection or Resuscitation", "Crucifixion or Crucifiction".
Life Changing Books
In this category come books such as the Qur'an, Books on Seerah, particularly Haykal's "The Life of Muhammad." "Forty Hadith", Maurice Bucaille's "The Bible, Qur'an and Science." Etc. There are many booklets and books written by shaikh Ahmed Deedat published by the Islamic Propagation Center International, Durban, South Africa. They are also available from New York, Toronto and Bombay (Mumbai).
The following are the Specifically Religious Books-to-Prisoners Organizations:
American Muslim Foundation
1212 New York Ave, NW Suite 525
Washington, DC 20005
Islamic Center
22551 Massachusetts Avenue, NW
Washington, DC 20008
Free Koran (Qur'an) and study guides. Can send through Chaplain
Mostazafam Foundation Book Program
500 5th Ave., 34th Floor
New York, NY 10110
Free Koran (Qu'ran) for Muslim prisoners
* * *
Book Sold to Muslims in Prison at a Discount
Tahrike Tarsile Qur'an
P O Box 731115
Elmhurst, NY 11373-0115
TEL: (718) 446-6472
FAX: (718) 446-4370
http://www.koranusa.org
E-mail: ttq@n-site.com
The Muslim Reading Room
P O Box 1246
Champaign, IL 61824
Darul Kitab El Islami
Box 1653
Burlington, NJ 08016
Tel: (609) 261-5640
E-mail: darul-kitab@yahoo.com
Noor Foundation
P O Box 758
Hockessin, DE 19707
Tel: 1-888-937-2665
Dar-us-Salam Publications
P O Box 79194
Houston, TX 77043
Tel: (713) 722-0419
FAX: (713) 722-0431
www.dar-us-salam.com
Magazines
Magazines such as JUMUAH, ISLAMIC HORIZONS, FINAL CALL, MUSLIM JOURNAL, MESSAGE INTERNATIONAL, THE MINARET, CRESCENT INTERNATIONAL, and other magazines published in North America are very popular among the Muslin inmates and they read them with great enthusiasm.
Computer software and Internet
There are scores of computer software in the form of CD-ROM on many Islamic subjects. The most popular is the 'AALIM. Unfortunately PCs (Personal Computers) and Internet are not accessible to the Prison inmates at the present time. The Internet has hundreds of WEB pages on Islam. The most popular being, Islamicity, Ummah, Al-Islam, etc., etc.
Pen Pals
There is a need for pen pals who can write to the Muslim inmates answering their questions on Islam. The type of postal correspondence keep the minds of the Muslim inmates active at the same time they get educated on Islam.
Newsletter
There is a need for a Newsletter for all the Muslim inmates throughout the United States and Canada. At least one copy can be sent to each prison, which has Muslim inmates. The Newsletter is a good vehicle for Islamic Taleem and also with regard to imparting Islamic knowledge pertaining to food, hygiene, the five pillars of Islam, dates and times of Jumuah prayers and Eidains. It can also cover news items of Muslim inmates in the various prisons of America.
Ware House
There is a dire necessity of having a warehouse, which will act as a clearinghouse for supplying, Books, Videos, Audiocassettes, Printing and mailing Newsletters for the Muslim inmates throughout North America. The Muslim inmates can fill-up the required requisition form and the materials can be shipped to the Muslim Chaplains or Imams of the respective Prisons, which in turn can stock the library of the Muslim inmates. This warehouse can also supply Musallahs (prayer rugs) and Kufi caps, which are in great demand among the Muslims throughout America and Canada.
Taleem Classes
Taleem classes are didactic lectures on Islam, given by the Muslim Chaplain or an Imam. The Taleem classes can be scheduled as lessons, covering topics, such as Arabic, Aqeedah, Qur'an, Hadith, Fiqh us Sunnah, etc. In many Prisons, educated Muslim volunteers are giving Taleem classes. In many prisons a particular day such as Thursday and a particular time such as between Maghreeb and Isha prayers is allotted for Taleem classes. Although the Muslim inmates are keen and interested in obtaining the Deeni knowledge through the Taleem classes, the problem is the paucity of Islamic textbooks and teachers. The teacher must prepare for the class and also prepare one or more quizzes for each lesson, correct them and go over them.
TV and Radio Broadcasting
There are TV programs on Islam in large cities in America and Canada. For smaller cities they can be accessed through the Cable TV. However this facility is not accessible to the Muslim inmates.
There are also Radio Broadcasting Stations in large cities broadcasting programs on Islam. They also broadcast interviews of Islamic scholars covering many subjects that affect the lives of Muslims in America.
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