These days’ weddings seem to have decreased in numbers, or have become less significant in many people’s lives, especially amongst women. More women are becoming career minded, taking on board the world of work rather than settling down to raise a family. This is almost true for men as women have more rights and freedom over their lives that it has become less common (particularly in the Western countries) for women to give up all they own to the men – a practise specific to the Victorian ages. Perceptions of weddings have changed and are no longer seen as a mandatory part of life.
Wedding ceremonies, however much they have decreased, are far more joyous than what they were in the past, with wedding gifts becoming more expensive and the planning and preparation being evermore stressful. Some follow the tradition of having the wedding paid for by the parents, these days marriages are divided between the two couple. Arranged marriages, though slowly decreasing in Western countries, based on religious convictions have themselves become subject of much careful thought and planning (having grown in size).
History
Up until the Middle Ages, weddings were considered a family or political affair, rather than a union between two people in love. They were also seen as a way to survive from predators and other outside members of the tribes – people believed there was safety in numbers. It was also common for grooms to kidnap their bride, if the families were against the matrimony, in this instance the groomsman would act as a small army to fight off the mob. Wedding parties were also small and not a very joyous occasion. However, wedding gifts have been a tradition for many years and is something that is still prevalent in ceremonies today.
Wedding gifts were given to symbolise the unity of the married couple and to help set up their new household for the newlyweds. During the Elizabethan ages, the family gave guests gifts, this was a practise derived from France known as wedding favours. Traditionally the wedding favours known in France as bonbonniere, contained sugared sweets (usually almonds) at a time when sugar was expensive. These were intricately wrapped in a small crystal, gold or porcelain box encrusted with precious gems, and were commonly presented by rich or wealthy families, as a way of thanking their guests for sharing the matrimonial union.
Wedding parties became more joyous during the Victorian ages, when weddings were beginning to change. Arranged marriages were beginning to decrease in numbers (in the UK especially) and more people were beginning to plan their weddings in advance. Wedding invitations were once announced via a town crier; the more literate and educated few in the 15th century were able to write their own invitations or arrange for monks to produce intricately designed invitations using calligraphy. The invitations often carried a coat of arms or family crest, sometimes-sealed using wax.
These days’ weddings have become more than just a family arrangement and political traditions, it is more common for the bride and grooms to come together and plan their weddings. Many Western weddings involve music, dancing and a very traditional pub drinking towards the end of the night. The traditions of kidnapping your wife are echoed in the form of stag do’s and hen parties, turning these historical events into fun party games
Saturday, May 22, 2010
The World Of Weddings, Then And Now
These days’ weddings seem to have decreased in numbers, or have become less significant in many people’s lives, especially amongst women. More women are becoming career minded, taking on board the world of work rather than settling down to raise a family. This is almost true for men as women have more rights and freedom over their lives that it has become less common (particularly in the Western countries) for women to give up all they own to the men – a practise specific to the Victorian ages. Perceptions of weddings have changed and are no longer seen as a mandatory part of life.
Wedding ceremonies, however much they have decreased, are far more joyous than what they were in the past, with wedding gifts becoming more expensive and the planning and preparation being evermore stressful. Some follow the tradition of having the wedding paid for by the parents, these days marriages are divided between the two couple. Arranged marriages, though slowly decreasing in Western countries, based on religious convictions have themselves become subject of much careful thought and planning (having grown in size).
History
Up until the Middle Ages, weddings were considered a family or political affair, rather than a union between two people in love. They were also seen as a way to survive from predators and other outside members of the tribes – people believed there was safety in numbers. It was also common for grooms to kidnap their bride, if the families were against the matrimony, in this instance the groomsman would act as a small army to fight off the mob. Wedding parties were also small and not a very joyous occasion. However, wedding gifts have been a tradition for many years and is something that is still prevalent in ceremonies today.
Wedding gifts were given to symbolise the unity of the married couple and to help set up their new household for the newlyweds. During the Elizabethan ages, the family gave guests gifts, this was a practise derived from France known as wedding favours. Traditionally the wedding favours known in France as bonbonniere, contained sugared sweets (usually almonds) at a time when sugar was expensive. These were intricately wrapped in a small crystal, gold or porcelain box encrusted with precious gems, and were commonly presented by rich or wealthy families, as a way of thanking their guests for sharing the matrimonial union.
Wedding parties became more joyous during the Victorian ages, when weddings were beginning to change. Arranged marriages were beginning to decrease in numbers (in the UK especially) and more people were beginning to plan their weddings in advance. Wedding invitations were once announced via a town crier; the more literate and educated few in the 15th century were able to write their own invitations or arrange for monks to produce intricately designed invitations using calligraphy. The invitations often carried a coat of arms or family crest, sometimes-sealed using wax.
These days’ weddings have become more than just a family arrangement and political traditions, it is more common for the bride and grooms to come together and plan their weddings. Many Western weddings involve music, dancing and a very traditional pub drinking towards the end of the night. The traditions of kidnapping your wife are echoed in the form of stag do’s and hen parties, turning these historical events into fun party games
Wedding ceremonies, however much they have decreased, are far more joyous than what they were in the past, with wedding gifts becoming more expensive and the planning and preparation being evermore stressful. Some follow the tradition of having the wedding paid for by the parents, these days marriages are divided between the two couple. Arranged marriages, though slowly decreasing in Western countries, based on religious convictions have themselves become subject of much careful thought and planning (having grown in size).
History
Up until the Middle Ages, weddings were considered a family or political affair, rather than a union between two people in love. They were also seen as a way to survive from predators and other outside members of the tribes – people believed there was safety in numbers. It was also common for grooms to kidnap their bride, if the families were against the matrimony, in this instance the groomsman would act as a small army to fight off the mob. Wedding parties were also small and not a very joyous occasion. However, wedding gifts have been a tradition for many years and is something that is still prevalent in ceremonies today.
Wedding gifts were given to symbolise the unity of the married couple and to help set up their new household for the newlyweds. During the Elizabethan ages, the family gave guests gifts, this was a practise derived from France known as wedding favours. Traditionally the wedding favours known in France as bonbonniere, contained sugared sweets (usually almonds) at a time when sugar was expensive. These were intricately wrapped in a small crystal, gold or porcelain box encrusted with precious gems, and were commonly presented by rich or wealthy families, as a way of thanking their guests for sharing the matrimonial union.
Wedding parties became more joyous during the Victorian ages, when weddings were beginning to change. Arranged marriages were beginning to decrease in numbers (in the UK especially) and more people were beginning to plan their weddings in advance. Wedding invitations were once announced via a town crier; the more literate and educated few in the 15th century were able to write their own invitations or arrange for monks to produce intricately designed invitations using calligraphy. The invitations often carried a coat of arms or family crest, sometimes-sealed using wax.
These days’ weddings have become more than just a family arrangement and political traditions, it is more common for the bride and grooms to come together and plan their weddings. Many Western weddings involve music, dancing and a very traditional pub drinking towards the end of the night. The traditions of kidnapping your wife are echoed in the form of stag do’s and hen parties, turning these historical events into fun party games
Inter- Caste Marriages In India
Marriages in India, has always been the biggest concern for the Indian families. Lot of importance is given to the sir name carried by the bride or the groom. In fact, the respect and dignity of a person is attached to his sir name, as in who were his ancestors and to which family name he belongs. The caste, creed and culture are the three most important elements, which are kept on the high priority list. The bride and the groom surely have to match each others religions, community, language, culture and region. Without matching each others religious and richness status, the bride and the groom are strictly not allowed to tie marriage knots with each other.
Marriage between two religions or often referred as inter- caste marriage and are almost prohibited in the country. People belonging to different religions or cultures are not allowed to get married, because doing such means violating the religious acts and terms. Marriage is the most sacred bond, which a girl and a boy bonds with each other, for a time period, which is life- long. The bride and the groom are always believed to have same religion or culture because it helps them in having a smooth movement in their journey of marriage, in terms of understanding and supporting each other in the religious acts.
In the early days of the Indian marriages, there were hardly any marriages known as inter- caste marriages, but with the advancements in time, and even government coming up with new laws to support the citizens will and their right to marry with the person they wish. There have been special acts made, supporting the laws of inter- caste marriages and which has somehow proved as an inspiration for the Indian bride and groom to marry according to their choice and with the person they want to. The modern society, today, has witnessed a number of inter- caste marriages, or marriages between bride and groom from different religions. This is because of the changing times and the change in the approach and the thought process, which has enabled the youth of the country, to execute their thoughts and ideas freely.
Inter- caste marriages in India are mostly the result of love marriages, wherein the decision of marriage is purely taken by the bride and the groom, based on the understanding and the comfort they share. Love marriages in India have been seen growing to a larger extent in the last few years, due to the acceptance of this concept in the Indian society and with the Indians, widening their arena of thoughts and implementation of these ideologies. Inter- caste marriage, also referred as love marriage, surely leads to a better married life shared between the bride and the groom after their marriage, because they understand each other well and already have built up that comfort zone, in which, they both together can have a prosperous and a healthy married life.
The only problem stated by the elders at the time of inter- caste marriages, is that, in case of the Indian marriages, it is the bride, who has to go to the grooms house after marriage and has to follow all the rituals and cultures in accordance to the norms set in the grooms family. But, in case of inter- caste marriages, the bride, who comes from different religious background, finds it difficult to settle herself in the new religious environments and mould her beliefs and activities according to a different religion, which if done in some other way, can sometimes, effect her image in the family. Therefore, precautions should be taken by the bride, in case of inter- caste marriages, where she needs to be very careful in practising the religious chores with the family.
Though, most of the families in India, have started accepting their childrens conducting inter- caste marriages, but there still a huge number of people are left in the country who need to understand that there is nothing more important than the happiness of their children and they need to mould their views in accordance to the changing times and accept their childrens choices for the sake of their happy married life.
Few useful links:
http://www.doshiza.com/
Marriage between two religions or often referred as inter- caste marriage and are almost prohibited in the country. People belonging to different religions or cultures are not allowed to get married, because doing such means violating the religious acts and terms. Marriage is the most sacred bond, which a girl and a boy bonds with each other, for a time period, which is life- long. The bride and the groom are always believed to have same religion or culture because it helps them in having a smooth movement in their journey of marriage, in terms of understanding and supporting each other in the religious acts.
In the early days of the Indian marriages, there were hardly any marriages known as inter- caste marriages, but with the advancements in time, and even government coming up with new laws to support the citizens will and their right to marry with the person they wish. There have been special acts made, supporting the laws of inter- caste marriages and which has somehow proved as an inspiration for the Indian bride and groom to marry according to their choice and with the person they want to. The modern society, today, has witnessed a number of inter- caste marriages, or marriages between bride and groom from different religions. This is because of the changing times and the change in the approach and the thought process, which has enabled the youth of the country, to execute their thoughts and ideas freely.
Inter- caste marriages in India are mostly the result of love marriages, wherein the decision of marriage is purely taken by the bride and the groom, based on the understanding and the comfort they share. Love marriages in India have been seen growing to a larger extent in the last few years, due to the acceptance of this concept in the Indian society and with the Indians, widening their arena of thoughts and implementation of these ideologies. Inter- caste marriage, also referred as love marriage, surely leads to a better married life shared between the bride and the groom after their marriage, because they understand each other well and already have built up that comfort zone, in which, they both together can have a prosperous and a healthy married life.
The only problem stated by the elders at the time of inter- caste marriages, is that, in case of the Indian marriages, it is the bride, who has to go to the grooms house after marriage and has to follow all the rituals and cultures in accordance to the norms set in the grooms family. But, in case of inter- caste marriages, the bride, who comes from different religious background, finds it difficult to settle herself in the new religious environments and mould her beliefs and activities according to a different religion, which if done in some other way, can sometimes, effect her image in the family. Therefore, precautions should be taken by the bride, in case of inter- caste marriages, where she needs to be very careful in practising the religious chores with the family.
Though, most of the families in India, have started accepting their childrens conducting inter- caste marriages, but there still a huge number of people are left in the country who need to understand that there is nothing more important than the happiness of their children and they need to mould their views in accordance to the changing times and accept their childrens choices for the sake of their happy married life.
Few useful links:
http://www.doshiza.com/
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Tips For A Happy And Successful Marriage
Tips For A Happy And Successful Marriage
The young and excited bride-and-groom-to-be; ecstatic about the upcoming wedding and marriage and the joy that it will bring. Three to six months later, reality has set in and both spouses realize that marriage is no easy task, but one that takes a great deal of effort and patience. The following are tips for both wives and husbands, to help make the task a little less daunting, and to increase the many rewards that are possible in such a marvelous and complex relationship.
Enter the Marriage with the Right Intention and Renew this Often
Both spouses should enter the marriage with the pure intention of pleasing Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala, in order to receive His grace and blessings. The marriage itself then becomes an act of worship and one for which both spouses will be rewarded.
Allah will be pleased with them and this will be the most critical element in ensuring peace, stability and happiness throughout the marital life. It is also important to realize that when an act of worship is continued over a long period of time, it becomes necessary to renew one's intention often to remain on the correct path and to obtain the most benefit.
Remember that Your Spouse is also Your Brother or Sister in Islam
Too often Muslims treat other people outside the home with kindness and sincerity, but then behave in a very different manner when it comes to their own spouses. Muslims should always remember that one's spouse is also another brother or sister in Islam and that the rights and duties that apply to the general brotherhood (sisterhood) of Islam, should also form the basis of the marital relationship. Obviously, a spouse has rights beyond these, but there should be a clear understanding of the rights of brotherhood (sisterhood) and adherence to these principles.
Do Not Hold Unrealistic Expectations
Before marriage, people often have unrealistic ideas about their spouse-to-be, expecting perfection in all aspects. This rarely, if ever, plays out in reality and can lead to unnecessary problems and concerns. We should recall that Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala, created humans as imperfect beings, which means that many mistakes will be made throughout a lifetime. By turning the table and expecting imperfection, we will be pleasantly surprised and pleased when our spouse is much more than we ever hoped for. This, in turn, will lead to contentment within the marriage.
Emphasize the Best in Your Spouse
Since no one is endowed with all of the best qualities, emphasis should be placed on the positive qualities that a spouse possesses. Encouragement, praise, and gratitude should be expressed on a regular basis, which will strengthen these qualities and be beneficial in developing others. An attempt should be made to overlook or ignore negative characteristics, as the Prophet, sallallahu alayhe wa sallam, said, "A believing man should not have any malice against a believing woman. He may dislike one characteristic in her, but may find another in her which is pleasing." (Muslim)
Be Your Mate's Best Friend
Try to think of what a best friend means and be one to your spouse. This may mean sharing interests, experiences, dreams, failures and upsets. It may involve understanding a spouse's likes and dislikes and attempting to please him or her in any way possible. A best friend is also usually someone that can be confided to trusted, and relied upon. A spouse should be the kind of friend that one would want to keep throughout life.
Spend Quality Time Together
It is not enough to share meals, chores and small talk together. Spouses should also find time to focus on strengthening the relationship. Often couples get busy with their own separate tasks and forget about working on one of the most important elements in life. Quality time may be anything from having a quiet, profound conversation to going for a nice long nature walk, to sharing a special hobby or project. Both spouses should enjoy the particular option chosen and distractions should be kept to a minimum.
Express Feelings Often
This is probably a very "Western" concept and one that some people may have difficulty fulfilling, but it is important to be open and honest about one's feelings, both positive and negative. The lines of communication should always be open and any concerns should be brought to the attention of the other spouse as soon as they arise. The rationale of this is that what begins as a simple concern may grow into a major problem if it is not addressed quickly and properly. The "silent treatment" has never been the remedy for anything.
Admit to Mistakes and ask for Forgiveness
Just as we ask Allah to forgive us when we make mistakes, we should also do the same with our spouses. The stronger person is the one who can admit when he or she is wrong, request pardon from the other, and work hard to improve his/her aspects that are in need of change. When a person is unwilling to do this, there will be little growth and development in the marriage.
Never Bring up Mistakes of the Past
It can be very hurting for another person to be reminded of past mistakes. In Islam, it is generally not recommended to dwell on the past. One may remember errors that were made so that they are not repeated, but this should not be done excessively. Certainly, as humans, we are not in the position to judge another person. Advice may be given, but not in a harmful manner.
Surprise Each Other at Times
This may entail bringing home a small gift or flowers, preparing a special meal, dressing up and beautifying oneself (this is not only for women), or sending a secret note in a lunchbox. A little imagination will go a long way here. The idea is to spice up the marriage and avoid getting into a dull routine that may negatively affect the marriage.
Have a Sense of Humour
This particular aspect can go a long way in preventing arguments and brightening the atmosphere of the home. Life is a constant stream of challenges and tests, and to approach it in a light-hearted manner will help to make the journey smoother and more enjoyable. You may also find that your spouse enjoys this characteristic and looks forward to spending time with you because of it.
Quick Tips for Discussions and Disagreements:
Begin with the intention to resolve the issue. If both spouses have this intention and plan to consult together, it is more likely that there will be a successful resolution.
Remember that it takes two to quarrel. If only one person chooses not to argue, there will be no argument. Generally, the one who is wrong does most of the talking.
Both spouses should not be angry at the same time. If one of the spouses becomes upset, it is best if the other tries to remain calm and collected.
Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire. Of course, house fires do not occur very frequently; yelling should occur at about the same rate.
Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled. This is one of the worst things that can happen in a marriage and should be avoided as much as possible. This allows hurt feelings and thoughts to linger and generally exacerbates the problem.
If one spouse needs to win, let it be your mate. Do not focus on winning yourself; this is the main reason that discussions tend to become heated.
Dr. Aisha Hamdan
[Source: Madrasa In'aamiyyah]
My AccountSign InForgot PasswordRegisterMarriage Articles
Tips on Selecting a Marriage Partner
Marriage: Purpose and Obligation
Tips for a Happy and Successful Marriage
To the Prospective Muslim Husband: What is a Wife?
An-Nikah: The Islamic Marriage
Do Muslim Husbands Make the Grade?
Encouragement of Marriage and Having Children
How To Be A Successful Husband
Find Your PartnerNew ContactsAdvanced SearchQuick SearchMembers OnlineWho has seen my profile?Auto MatchmakerSearch TipsSuccess StoriesSearch by ID:
Paid ServicesPremium MembershipPersonal AlbumSMS MessagesMore...Help & SupportQuick LinksHelp / FAQsReport AbuseTechnical SupportLearn MoreWhy MehndiAffiliate ProgramAdvertisePrivacy PolicyTerms & ConditionsContact
Join | Advertise | Affiliate Program | Contact | Privacy Policy | Terms & Conditions | Success Stories
Pakistani Matrimonial | Pakistani Dating | Pakistani Marriage | Pakistani Singles | Pakistani Wedding | Muslim MatrimonialAll trademarks, logos and names are properties of their respective owners.
Copyright © 2010 Mehndi.com Your Pakistani and Indian Matrimonial service
Mehndi.com is a Cronomagic company. All Rights Reserved.
The young and excited bride-and-groom-to-be; ecstatic about the upcoming wedding and marriage and the joy that it will bring. Three to six months later, reality has set in and both spouses realize that marriage is no easy task, but one that takes a great deal of effort and patience. The following are tips for both wives and husbands, to help make the task a little less daunting, and to increase the many rewards that are possible in such a marvelous and complex relationship.
Enter the Marriage with the Right Intention and Renew this Often
Both spouses should enter the marriage with the pure intention of pleasing Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala, in order to receive His grace and blessings. The marriage itself then becomes an act of worship and one for which both spouses will be rewarded.
Allah will be pleased with them and this will be the most critical element in ensuring peace, stability and happiness throughout the marital life. It is also important to realize that when an act of worship is continued over a long period of time, it becomes necessary to renew one's intention often to remain on the correct path and to obtain the most benefit.
Remember that Your Spouse is also Your Brother or Sister in Islam
Too often Muslims treat other people outside the home with kindness and sincerity, but then behave in a very different manner when it comes to their own spouses. Muslims should always remember that one's spouse is also another brother or sister in Islam and that the rights and duties that apply to the general brotherhood (sisterhood) of Islam, should also form the basis of the marital relationship. Obviously, a spouse has rights beyond these, but there should be a clear understanding of the rights of brotherhood (sisterhood) and adherence to these principles.
Do Not Hold Unrealistic Expectations
Before marriage, people often have unrealistic ideas about their spouse-to-be, expecting perfection in all aspects. This rarely, if ever, plays out in reality and can lead to unnecessary problems and concerns. We should recall that Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala, created humans as imperfect beings, which means that many mistakes will be made throughout a lifetime. By turning the table and expecting imperfection, we will be pleasantly surprised and pleased when our spouse is much more than we ever hoped for. This, in turn, will lead to contentment within the marriage.
Emphasize the Best in Your Spouse
Since no one is endowed with all of the best qualities, emphasis should be placed on the positive qualities that a spouse possesses. Encouragement, praise, and gratitude should be expressed on a regular basis, which will strengthen these qualities and be beneficial in developing others. An attempt should be made to overlook or ignore negative characteristics, as the Prophet, sallallahu alayhe wa sallam, said, "A believing man should not have any malice against a believing woman. He may dislike one characteristic in her, but may find another in her which is pleasing." (Muslim)
Be Your Mate's Best Friend
Try to think of what a best friend means and be one to your spouse. This may mean sharing interests, experiences, dreams, failures and upsets. It may involve understanding a spouse's likes and dislikes and attempting to please him or her in any way possible. A best friend is also usually someone that can be confided to trusted, and relied upon. A spouse should be the kind of friend that one would want to keep throughout life.
Spend Quality Time Together
It is not enough to share meals, chores and small talk together. Spouses should also find time to focus on strengthening the relationship. Often couples get busy with their own separate tasks and forget about working on one of the most important elements in life. Quality time may be anything from having a quiet, profound conversation to going for a nice long nature walk, to sharing a special hobby or project. Both spouses should enjoy the particular option chosen and distractions should be kept to a minimum.
Express Feelings Often
This is probably a very "Western" concept and one that some people may have difficulty fulfilling, but it is important to be open and honest about one's feelings, both positive and negative. The lines of communication should always be open and any concerns should be brought to the attention of the other spouse as soon as they arise. The rationale of this is that what begins as a simple concern may grow into a major problem if it is not addressed quickly and properly. The "silent treatment" has never been the remedy for anything.
Admit to Mistakes and ask for Forgiveness
Just as we ask Allah to forgive us when we make mistakes, we should also do the same with our spouses. The stronger person is the one who can admit when he or she is wrong, request pardon from the other, and work hard to improve his/her aspects that are in need of change. When a person is unwilling to do this, there will be little growth and development in the marriage.
Never Bring up Mistakes of the Past
It can be very hurting for another person to be reminded of past mistakes. In Islam, it is generally not recommended to dwell on the past. One may remember errors that were made so that they are not repeated, but this should not be done excessively. Certainly, as humans, we are not in the position to judge another person. Advice may be given, but not in a harmful manner.
Surprise Each Other at Times
This may entail bringing home a small gift or flowers, preparing a special meal, dressing up and beautifying oneself (this is not only for women), or sending a secret note in a lunchbox. A little imagination will go a long way here. The idea is to spice up the marriage and avoid getting into a dull routine that may negatively affect the marriage.
Have a Sense of Humour
This particular aspect can go a long way in preventing arguments and brightening the atmosphere of the home. Life is a constant stream of challenges and tests, and to approach it in a light-hearted manner will help to make the journey smoother and more enjoyable. You may also find that your spouse enjoys this characteristic and looks forward to spending time with you because of it.
Quick Tips for Discussions and Disagreements:
Begin with the intention to resolve the issue. If both spouses have this intention and plan to consult together, it is more likely that there will be a successful resolution.
Remember that it takes two to quarrel. If only one person chooses not to argue, there will be no argument. Generally, the one who is wrong does most of the talking.
Both spouses should not be angry at the same time. If one of the spouses becomes upset, it is best if the other tries to remain calm and collected.
Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire. Of course, house fires do not occur very frequently; yelling should occur at about the same rate.
Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled. This is one of the worst things that can happen in a marriage and should be avoided as much as possible. This allows hurt feelings and thoughts to linger and generally exacerbates the problem.
If one spouse needs to win, let it be your mate. Do not focus on winning yourself; this is the main reason that discussions tend to become heated.
Dr. Aisha Hamdan
[Source: Madrasa In'aamiyyah]
My AccountSign InForgot PasswordRegisterMarriage Articles
Tips on Selecting a Marriage Partner
Marriage: Purpose and Obligation
Tips for a Happy and Successful Marriage
To the Prospective Muslim Husband: What is a Wife?
An-Nikah: The Islamic Marriage
Do Muslim Husbands Make the Grade?
Encouragement of Marriage and Having Children
How To Be A Successful Husband
Find Your PartnerNew ContactsAdvanced SearchQuick SearchMembers OnlineWho has seen my profile?Auto MatchmakerSearch TipsSuccess StoriesSearch by ID:
Paid ServicesPremium MembershipPersonal AlbumSMS MessagesMore...Help & SupportQuick LinksHelp / FAQsReport AbuseTechnical SupportLearn MoreWhy MehndiAffiliate ProgramAdvertisePrivacy PolicyTerms & ConditionsContact
Join | Advertise | Affiliate Program | Contact | Privacy Policy | Terms & Conditions | Success Stories
Pakistani Matrimonial | Pakistani Dating | Pakistani Marriage | Pakistani Singles | Pakistani Wedding | Muslim MatrimonialAll trademarks, logos and names are properties of their respective owners.
Copyright © 2010 Mehndi.com Your Pakistani and Indian Matrimonial service
Mehndi.com is a Cronomagic company. All Rights Reserved.
Marriage: Purpose and Obligation
Marriage: Purpose and Obligation
Definition of Marriage
Nikah is an Arabic term used for marriage. It means "contract". ("Aqd in Arabic). The Quran specifically refers to marriage as "mithaqun Ghalithun,". Which means "a strong covenant".
"and they have taken a strong pledge (Mithaqun Ghalithun) from you?" (Quran 4:21)
The seriousness of this covenant becomes obvious when one finds the same term i.e., Mithaqun Ghalithun, being used for the covenant made between Allah and the Prophet before granting them the responsibility of the Prophethood. (Quran 33:7)
The Quran also uses the Arabic word "Hisn", suggesting "fortress" for marriage. Marriage is considered the fortress of chastity.
The Purpose of Marriage
As a meaningful institution, marriage has two main purposes:
To ensure preservation of the human species and continuation of the human race,
"O mankind! Be careful of your duty to your Lord, Who created you from a single soul and from it created its mate and from them has spread abroad a multitude of men and women" (Quran: 4:1)
To provide spiritual and legal foundation of the family
"And of His signs is this: He created for you mates from yourself that you might find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy. Lo, therein indeed are portents for folk who reflect". (Quran 30:21)
Through Marriage, the conjugal relationship between a man and a woman becomes lawful. It provides a legitimate outlet for recreation as well as procreation. Islam regards sex as natural and good, but restricts it to the partners of marriage so as to ensure the responsibility for its consequences.
"Your women are a tilth for you so go to your tilth as you will, and send (good deeds) before you for your souls, and fear Allah, and know that you will (one day) meet him. Give glad tidings to believers, (O Muhammad)." (Quran 2:223)
Marriage provides spiritual, physical, emotional and psychological companionship. This companionship generates and sustains love, kindness, compassion, mutual confidence, solace and succor (sakinah). It lays a spiritual and legal foundation for raising a family. The children born of the matrimonial union become legitimate and mutual rights of inheritance are established.
Marriage: A Religious Requirement
Marriage in Islam is a recommended as a religious requirement.
"Marry those among you who are single and (marry) your slaves, male and female, that are righteous" (Quran 24:32)
Prophet Muhammad (S) declared:
"When the servant of Allah marries, he has fulfilled half the (responsibilities laid on him by the) faith; so let him be God conscious with respect to the other half". (Mishkat)
Marriage has also been commended as the way of the prophets.
"We indeed sent messengers before you (O Muhammad), and We assigned them wives and children" (Quran 13:38)
Marriage, in fact, is specifically considered the tradition (sunnah) of Prophet Muhammad (S) when he declared:
"Marriage is my Sunnah, whoever disregards my (sunnah) path is not from among us". (ibn Majah)
Islam discourages celibacy and encourages marriage, as Prophet Muhammad (S) recommended:
"Whoever is able to marry, should marry". (Bukhari)
Mohammad Mazhar Hussaini
Definition of Marriage
Nikah is an Arabic term used for marriage. It means "contract". ("Aqd in Arabic). The Quran specifically refers to marriage as "mithaqun Ghalithun,". Which means "a strong covenant".
"and they have taken a strong pledge (Mithaqun Ghalithun) from you?" (Quran 4:21)
The seriousness of this covenant becomes obvious when one finds the same term i.e., Mithaqun Ghalithun, being used for the covenant made between Allah and the Prophet before granting them the responsibility of the Prophethood. (Quran 33:7)
The Quran also uses the Arabic word "Hisn", suggesting "fortress" for marriage. Marriage is considered the fortress of chastity.
The Purpose of Marriage
As a meaningful institution, marriage has two main purposes:
To ensure preservation of the human species and continuation of the human race,
"O mankind! Be careful of your duty to your Lord, Who created you from a single soul and from it created its mate and from them has spread abroad a multitude of men and women" (Quran: 4:1)
To provide spiritual and legal foundation of the family
"And of His signs is this: He created for you mates from yourself that you might find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy. Lo, therein indeed are portents for folk who reflect". (Quran 30:21)
Through Marriage, the conjugal relationship between a man and a woman becomes lawful. It provides a legitimate outlet for recreation as well as procreation. Islam regards sex as natural and good, but restricts it to the partners of marriage so as to ensure the responsibility for its consequences.
"Your women are a tilth for you so go to your tilth as you will, and send (good deeds) before you for your souls, and fear Allah, and know that you will (one day) meet him. Give glad tidings to believers, (O Muhammad)." (Quran 2:223)
Marriage provides spiritual, physical, emotional and psychological companionship. This companionship generates and sustains love, kindness, compassion, mutual confidence, solace and succor (sakinah). It lays a spiritual and legal foundation for raising a family. The children born of the matrimonial union become legitimate and mutual rights of inheritance are established.
Marriage: A Religious Requirement
Marriage in Islam is a recommended as a religious requirement.
"Marry those among you who are single and (marry) your slaves, male and female, that are righteous" (Quran 24:32)
Prophet Muhammad (S) declared:
"When the servant of Allah marries, he has fulfilled half the (responsibilities laid on him by the) faith; so let him be God conscious with respect to the other half". (Mishkat)
Marriage has also been commended as the way of the prophets.
"We indeed sent messengers before you (O Muhammad), and We assigned them wives and children" (Quran 13:38)
Marriage, in fact, is specifically considered the tradition (sunnah) of Prophet Muhammad (S) when he declared:
"Marriage is my Sunnah, whoever disregards my (sunnah) path is not from among us". (ibn Majah)
Islam discourages celibacy and encourages marriage, as Prophet Muhammad (S) recommended:
"Whoever is able to marry, should marry". (Bukhari)
Mohammad Mazhar Hussaini
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
A Wife
A Wife
This article has been widely atributed to a lecture given by Sheikh Abdullah Adhami, but I have been informed that he is not the actual author, so for now it is, Author Unknown.
By getting married you are not just getting a wife, you are getting your whole world. From now until the rest of your days your wife will be your partner, your companion, and your best friend.
She will share your moments, your days, and your years. She will share your joys and sorrows, your successes and failures, your dreams and your fears. When you are ill, she will take the best care of you; when you need help, she will do all she can for you; when you have a secret, she will keep it; when you need advice, she will give you the best advice. She will always be with you: when you wake up in the morning the first thing your eyes will see will be hers; during the day, she will be with you, if for some time she is not with you by her physical body, she will be thinking of you, praying for you with all her heart, mind, and soul; when you go to sleep at night, the last thing your eyes will see will be her; and when you are asleep you will still see her in your dreams. In short, she will be your whole world and you will be her whole world.
The best description that I personally have ever read describing the closeness of the spouses to each other is the Qur'anic verse which says: "They are your garments and you are their garments." (Surah Al Baqarah 2:187). Indeed, spouses are like garments to each other because they provide one another with the protection, the comfort, the cover, the support, and the adornment that garments provide to humans. Just imagine a journey in the winter of Alaska without garments! Our spouses provide us with the same level of comfort, protection, cover, and support in the journey of our lives on this earth as garments would do in the Alaskan journey.
The relationship between the spouses is the most amazing of all human relations: the amount of love and affection, intimacy and closeness, mercy and compassion, peace and tranquillity that fills the hearts of the spouses is simply inexplicable. The only rational explanation for these most amazing of all human feelings is that: it is an act of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala, "And Allah has made for you Mates (and Companions of your own nature ..." (Surah Al Nahl 16:72)
Only our Almighty Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala in His Infinite Power, Boundless Mercy, and Great Wisdom can create and ingrain these amazing and blessed feelings in the hearts of the spouses. In fact Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is reminding those who search for His signs in the universe that these feelings in the hearts of the spouses are among the signs that should guide humans to His existence as He says in the Qur'an, "And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: verily in that are signs for those who reflect." (Surah Al Rum 30:21)
But Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala knows that the human heart is not a static entity, it is sometimes weak and at times dynamic. Feelings can and do change with time. Love may wither and fade away. The marital bond might weaken if not properly cared for. Happiness in marriage cannot be taken for granted; continuous happiness requires constant giving from both sides. For the tree of marital love to remain alive and keep growing, the soil has to be sustained, maintained, watered and nurtured.
Remember that our Prophet Muhammad Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam had found the time to go out to the desert and race with his wife Aisha. She outran him but later after she had gained some weight, he outran her. Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam took his wife to watch the young Ethiopians playing and dancing their folk dances. The show of emotions is necessary to keep the marital bond away from rusting and disintegrating. Remember that you will be rewarded by Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala for any emotions you show to your wife as the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam said "One would be rewarded for anything that he does seeking the pleasure of Allah even the food that he puts in the mouth of his wife"
Never underestimate the importance of seemingly little things as putting food in your wife's mouth, opening the car door for her, etc. Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam used to extend his knee to his wife to assist her up to ride the camel.
Try to always find some time for both of you to pray together. Strengthening the bond between you and Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is the best guarantee that your own marital bond would always remain strong. Having peace with Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala will always result in having more peace at home.
Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam gave glad tidings for those couples who wake up at night to pray together. The Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam even urged the spouse who rises up first to wake the other spouse up, even by splashing cold water on his/her face.
Always try your best to be good to your wife by words and by deeds. Talk to her, smile to her, seek her advice, ask for her opinion, spend quality time with her and always remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam said, "The best of you are those who are best to their wives"
Finally, it is common that spouses vow to love and honor their spouses until death do them part. I do believe that this vow is good or even great, but not enough! It is not enough that you love your wife. You have to love what she loves as well. Her family, her loved ones must also become your loved ones. Don't be like my colleague who was unhappy about his wife's parents coming to visit for few weeks. He candidly said to her "I don't like your parents." Naturally she angrily looked at him straight in the eye and said, "I don't like yours either." Also, it is not enough that you love her until death do you part. Love should never end and we do believe there is life after death where those who did righteousness in this world will be joined by their spouses (Surah Al Zukhruf 43:70) and offsprings.
The best example in this regard is the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam whose love for Khadija, his wife of 25 years, extended to include all those she loved; this love of his continued even after her death. It was many years after her death and he never forgot her and whenever a goat was slaughtered in his house he would send portions of it to Khadija's family and friends and whenever he felt that the visitor at the door might be Khadija's sister Hala, he would pray saying, "O Allah let it be Hala."
This article has been widely atributed to a lecture given by Sheikh Abdullah Adhami, but I have been informed that he is not the actual author, so for now it is, Author Unknown.
By getting married you are not just getting a wife, you are getting your whole world. From now until the rest of your days your wife will be your partner, your companion, and your best friend.
She will share your moments, your days, and your years. She will share your joys and sorrows, your successes and failures, your dreams and your fears. When you are ill, she will take the best care of you; when you need help, she will do all she can for you; when you have a secret, she will keep it; when you need advice, she will give you the best advice. She will always be with you: when you wake up in the morning the first thing your eyes will see will be hers; during the day, she will be with you, if for some time she is not with you by her physical body, she will be thinking of you, praying for you with all her heart, mind, and soul; when you go to sleep at night, the last thing your eyes will see will be her; and when you are asleep you will still see her in your dreams. In short, she will be your whole world and you will be her whole world.
The best description that I personally have ever read describing the closeness of the spouses to each other is the Qur'anic verse which says: "They are your garments and you are their garments." (Surah Al Baqarah 2:187). Indeed, spouses are like garments to each other because they provide one another with the protection, the comfort, the cover, the support, and the adornment that garments provide to humans. Just imagine a journey in the winter of Alaska without garments! Our spouses provide us with the same level of comfort, protection, cover, and support in the journey of our lives on this earth as garments would do in the Alaskan journey.
The relationship between the spouses is the most amazing of all human relations: the amount of love and affection, intimacy and closeness, mercy and compassion, peace and tranquillity that fills the hearts of the spouses is simply inexplicable. The only rational explanation for these most amazing of all human feelings is that: it is an act of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala, "And Allah has made for you Mates (and Companions of your own nature ..." (Surah Al Nahl 16:72)
Only our Almighty Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala in His Infinite Power, Boundless Mercy, and Great Wisdom can create and ingrain these amazing and blessed feelings in the hearts of the spouses. In fact Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is reminding those who search for His signs in the universe that these feelings in the hearts of the spouses are among the signs that should guide humans to His existence as He says in the Qur'an, "And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: verily in that are signs for those who reflect." (Surah Al Rum 30:21)
But Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala knows that the human heart is not a static entity, it is sometimes weak and at times dynamic. Feelings can and do change with time. Love may wither and fade away. The marital bond might weaken if not properly cared for. Happiness in marriage cannot be taken for granted; continuous happiness requires constant giving from both sides. For the tree of marital love to remain alive and keep growing, the soil has to be sustained, maintained, watered and nurtured.
Remember that our Prophet Muhammad Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam had found the time to go out to the desert and race with his wife Aisha. She outran him but later after she had gained some weight, he outran her. Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam took his wife to watch the young Ethiopians playing and dancing their folk dances. The show of emotions is necessary to keep the marital bond away from rusting and disintegrating. Remember that you will be rewarded by Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala for any emotions you show to your wife as the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam said "One would be rewarded for anything that he does seeking the pleasure of Allah even the food that he puts in the mouth of his wife"
Never underestimate the importance of seemingly little things as putting food in your wife's mouth, opening the car door for her, etc. Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam used to extend his knee to his wife to assist her up to ride the camel.
Try to always find some time for both of you to pray together. Strengthening the bond between you and Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is the best guarantee that your own marital bond would always remain strong. Having peace with Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala will always result in having more peace at home.
Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam gave glad tidings for those couples who wake up at night to pray together. The Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam even urged the spouse who rises up first to wake the other spouse up, even by splashing cold water on his/her face.
Always try your best to be good to your wife by words and by deeds. Talk to her, smile to her, seek her advice, ask for her opinion, spend quality time with her and always remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam said, "The best of you are those who are best to their wives"
Finally, it is common that spouses vow to love and honor their spouses until death do them part. I do believe that this vow is good or even great, but not enough! It is not enough that you love your wife. You have to love what she loves as well. Her family, her loved ones must also become your loved ones. Don't be like my colleague who was unhappy about his wife's parents coming to visit for few weeks. He candidly said to her "I don't like your parents." Naturally she angrily looked at him straight in the eye and said, "I don't like yours either." Also, it is not enough that you love her until death do you part. Love should never end and we do believe there is life after death where those who did righteousness in this world will be joined by their spouses (Surah Al Zukhruf 43:70) and offsprings.
The best example in this regard is the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam whose love for Khadija, his wife of 25 years, extended to include all those she loved; this love of his continued even after her death. It was many years after her death and he never forgot her and whenever a goat was slaughtered in his house he would send portions of it to Khadija's family and friends and whenever he felt that the visitor at the door might be Khadija's sister Hala, he would pray saying, "O Allah let it be Hala."
What is a Husband?
Guidelines for the Husband in Interacting with his Wife
Author: Dr. Marwwan Al-Qaisee
Source: Al-Asaalah Magazine
Translator: isma'eel alarcon
The family is that brick which forms the foundation of a society. It is composed of individuals that have permanent relations established between them. Most importantly, it possesses almost a majority of the different kinds of personal relations. Because of this, there must be certain etiquettes placed in order to control and regulate these relations. This is such that it can be maintained in the best possible manner, and so that it can generate and produce its proper fruits. Family relations consist of the relationship between the spouses from one perspective, the relationship between the parents and the children from a second perspective, and the relationship between the children themselves from a third perspective.
Etiquettes of the husband:
It is not from the deficiencies, but rather from good manners, that the husband shares in the responsibility of specified matters, such as the mending of garments or what is similar to that.
It is appropriate for a man to not restrict himself from serving himself. This is since the wife takes care of the household affairs. So therefore, it is from good manners that the husband extend a helping hand to his wife in the house, during times of necessity, such as when she is sick, pregnant, has given birth or similar to that.
The exemplary husband is he who cooperates with his wife by bearing good relations and showing kind manners (to her), according to the full extent of the meaning contained in these (last) two expressions. Truly, the husbands who are best at working alongside their wives are the best of mankind in the view of Islaam. This good way of living between the spouses must be deeply imbedded into the daily marital life, even at the time of divorce.
Beware of characterizing the relationship between the spouses with over-seriousness! For indeed characterizing the family life with a militaristic nature amounts to one of the causes for failure and bad results.
From the kind and noble manners of the husband is that he complies and assents to the requests of his wife, so long as they are not forbidden in the Religion. And being luxurious in food, drink and clothing is at the entrance of matters forbidden in the Religion.
The husband should specify a time in which he can play around and pass free time with his wife.
The relationship between the spouses must contain one singular and specific nature. And it cannot be this way unless the couple begins demolishing all the obstacles and impediments that stand between them. For example, the husband should not feel timid and restrain himself from drinking out of the same cup that his wife drinks out of.
There is no human being that is perfect. So there is no doubt that the husband will see things in his wife that does not comply with his natural disposition and preferences. If these aspects are not in opposition to the fundaments of the Religion or to the obedience of the husband and his rights, then at that point, he should not try to change her personality so that it complies with his natural preference.
And he must always remember that for each member of the couple, there will be an aspect of ones personality that conflicts with the others personality. And he should also remember that if there are some characteristics that he doesn't find pleasing in his wife, then indeed she has other characteristics, which will definitely be pleasing to him.
Do not let Ramadaan be a barrier that impedes you from showing affection to your wife, such as by kissing her. But this is so long as you are able to refrain yourself, since what is forbidden during the days of Ramadaan is only sexual intercourse.
Do not chase after the errors of your wife and recount them to her, for too much blaming and reprimanding will worsen the relationship between the two of you, and it will pose a threat to your marital life. So overlook your wife's easy ability to make mistakes, and make her falling into them seem like something small.
If you are able, do not hold back from providing your wife with good clothing and food, and from being generous in spending money on her. This is of course according to the extent of your ability.
Do not give little importance to implementing the punishment required for any acts in opposition to the Religion, which your wife has committed, whether it is in the home or outside it. This should be the main reason that causes you to become angry, thus no other reason should affect you (besides this one).
What has been stated previously does not mean that you should leave matters alone until that result comes to happen. Thus, whenever you realize that a matter is left alone, weigh it with seriousness and determination, without being too harsh or rude about it.
The woman is the head of the household, the one responsible for it. So do not attempt to meddle into affairs that do not fall into your area of duties and responsibilities, such as the food and the order of the house.
Beware of scolding your wife or blaming her for a mistake she committed, in the presence of others, even if they are your own children. For indeed that is an act that goes against correct behavior and it will lead to raising anger in the hearts of people.
If you are forced to place punishment upon your wife, then let it be by staying away from her at bedtime. And do not boycott her except that it is done within the household. And avoid using foul language, insulting her, beating her and describing her with repulsive names. For these matters do not befit an exemplary husband.
Having jealousy and caring about the modesty of your wife is a praiseworthy thing, which shows your love for her. However it is on the condition that you do not go to great extremes in this jealousy. For then at that point, it would turn into something worthy of no praise.
When entering the house, do not alarm your family by entering upon them suddenly. Rather, enter while they are aware of it, and greet them with Salaam. And ask about them and how they are doing. And do not forget to remember Allaah, the Mighty and Sublime, when you enter the house.
Beware of spreading any secrets connected with the intimate encounters you have with your wife, for that is something restricted and forbidden.
Constantly maintain the cleaning of your mouth and the freshening of your breath.
Guardianship of your wife doesn't mean that you can exploit what Allaah has bestowed upon you from taking charge of her, such that you harm and oppress her.
Showing respect and kindness to your wife's family is showing respect and kindness to her. And this applies even after her death, on the condition that it is not accompanied by an act forbidden in the Religion, such as intermingling of the sexes or being in privacy (with them).
Too much joking will lead to (your family having) little fear (of disobeying you) and a lack of respect for you. So do not joke too much with your wife.
Be considerate that fulfilling the conditions which you promised to your wife during the pre-marriage agreement is a matter possessing the highest of importance and priority. So do not neglect that after getting married.
When you lecture your wife or reprimand her or simply speak to her, choose the kindest and nicest of words and expressions for your speech. And do not reprimand her in front of others or in front of your children.
It is not proper for you to ask your wife to look for work outside of the house or to spend upon you from her wealth.
Do not overburden your wife with acts that she is not able to handle. Consider, with extreme regard, the environment she was raised up in. Rural service is not like urban service, and the service of a strong woman and her preparation for it is not like the service of a weak woman.
There is nothing in the obligation of a woman's service to her husband that negates his assisting her in that regard, if he should find the free time. Rather, this is from the good manners of living between the spouses. This discussion will continue in an upcoming issue, if Allaah wills.
Author: Dr. Marwwan Al-Qaisee
Source: Al-Asaalah Magazine
Translator: isma'eel alarcon
The family is that brick which forms the foundation of a society. It is composed of individuals that have permanent relations established between them. Most importantly, it possesses almost a majority of the different kinds of personal relations. Because of this, there must be certain etiquettes placed in order to control and regulate these relations. This is such that it can be maintained in the best possible manner, and so that it can generate and produce its proper fruits. Family relations consist of the relationship between the spouses from one perspective, the relationship between the parents and the children from a second perspective, and the relationship between the children themselves from a third perspective.
Etiquettes of the husband:
It is not from the deficiencies, but rather from good manners, that the husband shares in the responsibility of specified matters, such as the mending of garments or what is similar to that.
It is appropriate for a man to not restrict himself from serving himself. This is since the wife takes care of the household affairs. So therefore, it is from good manners that the husband extend a helping hand to his wife in the house, during times of necessity, such as when she is sick, pregnant, has given birth or similar to that.
The exemplary husband is he who cooperates with his wife by bearing good relations and showing kind manners (to her), according to the full extent of the meaning contained in these (last) two expressions. Truly, the husbands who are best at working alongside their wives are the best of mankind in the view of Islaam. This good way of living between the spouses must be deeply imbedded into the daily marital life, even at the time of divorce.
Beware of characterizing the relationship between the spouses with over-seriousness! For indeed characterizing the family life with a militaristic nature amounts to one of the causes for failure and bad results.
From the kind and noble manners of the husband is that he complies and assents to the requests of his wife, so long as they are not forbidden in the Religion. And being luxurious in food, drink and clothing is at the entrance of matters forbidden in the Religion.
The husband should specify a time in which he can play around and pass free time with his wife.
The relationship between the spouses must contain one singular and specific nature. And it cannot be this way unless the couple begins demolishing all the obstacles and impediments that stand between them. For example, the husband should not feel timid and restrain himself from drinking out of the same cup that his wife drinks out of.
There is no human being that is perfect. So there is no doubt that the husband will see things in his wife that does not comply with his natural disposition and preferences. If these aspects are not in opposition to the fundaments of the Religion or to the obedience of the husband and his rights, then at that point, he should not try to change her personality so that it complies with his natural preference.
And he must always remember that for each member of the couple, there will be an aspect of ones personality that conflicts with the others personality. And he should also remember that if there are some characteristics that he doesn't find pleasing in his wife, then indeed she has other characteristics, which will definitely be pleasing to him.
Do not let Ramadaan be a barrier that impedes you from showing affection to your wife, such as by kissing her. But this is so long as you are able to refrain yourself, since what is forbidden during the days of Ramadaan is only sexual intercourse.
Do not chase after the errors of your wife and recount them to her, for too much blaming and reprimanding will worsen the relationship between the two of you, and it will pose a threat to your marital life. So overlook your wife's easy ability to make mistakes, and make her falling into them seem like something small.
If you are able, do not hold back from providing your wife with good clothing and food, and from being generous in spending money on her. This is of course according to the extent of your ability.
Do not give little importance to implementing the punishment required for any acts in opposition to the Religion, which your wife has committed, whether it is in the home or outside it. This should be the main reason that causes you to become angry, thus no other reason should affect you (besides this one).
What has been stated previously does not mean that you should leave matters alone until that result comes to happen. Thus, whenever you realize that a matter is left alone, weigh it with seriousness and determination, without being too harsh or rude about it.
The woman is the head of the household, the one responsible for it. So do not attempt to meddle into affairs that do not fall into your area of duties and responsibilities, such as the food and the order of the house.
Beware of scolding your wife or blaming her for a mistake she committed, in the presence of others, even if they are your own children. For indeed that is an act that goes against correct behavior and it will lead to raising anger in the hearts of people.
If you are forced to place punishment upon your wife, then let it be by staying away from her at bedtime. And do not boycott her except that it is done within the household. And avoid using foul language, insulting her, beating her and describing her with repulsive names. For these matters do not befit an exemplary husband.
Having jealousy and caring about the modesty of your wife is a praiseworthy thing, which shows your love for her. However it is on the condition that you do not go to great extremes in this jealousy. For then at that point, it would turn into something worthy of no praise.
When entering the house, do not alarm your family by entering upon them suddenly. Rather, enter while they are aware of it, and greet them with Salaam. And ask about them and how they are doing. And do not forget to remember Allaah, the Mighty and Sublime, when you enter the house.
Beware of spreading any secrets connected with the intimate encounters you have with your wife, for that is something restricted and forbidden.
Constantly maintain the cleaning of your mouth and the freshening of your breath.
Guardianship of your wife doesn't mean that you can exploit what Allaah has bestowed upon you from taking charge of her, such that you harm and oppress her.
Showing respect and kindness to your wife's family is showing respect and kindness to her. And this applies even after her death, on the condition that it is not accompanied by an act forbidden in the Religion, such as intermingling of the sexes or being in privacy (with them).
Too much joking will lead to (your family having) little fear (of disobeying you) and a lack of respect for you. So do not joke too much with your wife.
Be considerate that fulfilling the conditions which you promised to your wife during the pre-marriage agreement is a matter possessing the highest of importance and priority. So do not neglect that after getting married.
When you lecture your wife or reprimand her or simply speak to her, choose the kindest and nicest of words and expressions for your speech. And do not reprimand her in front of others or in front of your children.
It is not proper for you to ask your wife to look for work outside of the house or to spend upon you from her wealth.
Do not overburden your wife with acts that she is not able to handle. Consider, with extreme regard, the environment she was raised up in. Rural service is not like urban service, and the service of a strong woman and her preparation for it is not like the service of a weak woman.
There is nothing in the obligation of a woman's service to her husband that negates his assisting her in that regard, if he should find the free time. Rather, this is from the good manners of living between the spouses. This discussion will continue in an upcoming issue, if Allaah wills.
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